Thou greatest enemy is thyself

I hit my mum
March 3, 2008, 7:49 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I wanted to have some peace and quiet to use the com for an hour. She had to make a big din and throw in the histronics. I was so tired and angry that I hit her arm sharply and she clobbered my head. Catfight ensued, with her yowling, ‘You’ll regret this!!!’

Father stormy face. Everything he sees is so one-sided, it doesn’t help that i’ve argued my case, it just makes it sound even more unconvincing. I will not cry, I will just mutely receive their verbal lashings. What they want is for me to change for the better eh? However, my mum doesn’t seem to FACILITATE it (that’s putting it lightly), and my father EXACERBATES it. Sure I will, it’s for my own good anyway, but I sure won’t confide or be close to my mum again, it just hurts when she suddenly turns menopausal and like becomes the 3rd daughter (meaning vicious against me). My father have long sided me and doted on me, it’s time she had her way. If it makes her happy to see my father frown upon me, so be it.

I know this sounds childish, but really, you’ve got to be here to experience it (not that any sane person would want to). The same words that my father berates me can be applied on my mum too. CURB YOUR HOT TEMPER! LEARN TO CONTROL YOURSELF! KNOW WHAT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO! DON’T LET YOUR IMPULSES RUN WILD! My mum just chooses the most direct route to vent her anger and satisfy her big ego, and loses track of the original ‘well-meaning message’ she had for me. If she wants me to listen, why stubbornly use her volcanic approach? The reason is simple, she’s just ‘can’t change’, ‘it’s the way she is!’ and expects me to just take her stark mad ravings passively like a stone (that’s my sister’s style btw).

I’m not gonna let my mum have some evidence to use against me. If she wants to provoke me again, i’lln just withdraw. It’ll make her life easier. BUT, if she wants to know ‘what I’m up to’ in the day, I’ll withdraw and give non-commital answers as well. Serves her right seriously, she wants to be actively involved in my life?  No thanks, I’llthank you profusely if you leave me alone and observe me from afar. I promise I won’t do hard drugs, gamble or steal, in chinese that would be ‘Kill People Set Fire’.

I’m asahmed of myself, can’t believe I let myself and my mother get the better of me. I have to learn from Sophie, she’s had to endure much worse. whatever it is, remember, they will be dead in a couple of decades. Don’t do anything rash and let them die peacefully. And if I inherited the aggressiveness from my unassuming father and psycho gene from my mum, I’d rather not marry and spare my kids the agony.


1 Comment so far
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doesnt buddha preaches that violent is bad? put down the butcher knife and something something. ha. if you want, you can join anger management classes with me. =D

take care.

Comment by SQ

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