Thou greatest enemy is thyself


Uprising!
August 31, 2008, 12:15 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Dindson is an interesting name, and an interesting person.



busy busy busy…double-edged sword
August 16, 2008, 12:53 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

How I love my shout-out in friendster. On one hand it blasts out the fact that being busy is both a blessing and a bane, on the other it alludes to my current all-consuming sword obsession. 

Wed night I went to Tanjong Pagar CC to perform dance, pity LKY arrived after our item =.= When I got back to hall, the ppl were having a crazy water-pouring/splashing/spraying party, but i decided to seek refuge in my room.

Thurs evening I ponned Biz Law lec to go for trng….due to my latent panic at screwing up this Sunday. What a relief when I realized that both grp and indiv routines were stuck in my head already. Lao shi timed me at 1:13. It would be 1:11 if I did not pause extra long before shou shi. But nvm, shall slow down a bit cuz 1:25 is the ‘safe’ timing. I will miss practising on the rooftop, there is a certain romantic atmosphere of an era long gone. The construction site of the new PA building and Jalan Besar Stadium which resembles a ship hold testament to the ever-changing landscape of Singapore.

IIIIIIIIII DDDDDUUUNNNN WWWAAAANNNNNAAAA FFFEEEEELLLL AAAANNNYYYTTTHHHIINNGGGG. I’m too nice, I should just not give a damn.

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SEVEN
August 12, 2008, 10:46 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

This morning, I waited for Shuttle Bus C
to bring me to Wee Kim Wee,

six buses passed before the seventh one
had a few seats that were free.

After a long day of lecs we
watched the seniors’ own movies,

then seven of us girls walked back to hall
don’t you think it’s so freaky?!

So qi cham, Simin just told me she has a boy-boy now (bf in Simin-speak). Good for her. Cass also told me abt how her ‘special friend’ cabs to meet her everytime so as not to disappoint her. Have you imagined what it COULD be like? I know spending time with me on top of your family, friends and busy schedule is hard, but my expectations are so BASIC; to see your face..to hear your voice at least once a week?? If money is a problem, you can always come over and we can walk around NTU’s beautiful gardens, eat at the cheap canteens here or go to that $2 entrance fee water amusement park at lakeside (sophie and weiren recommended =.=)  and occasionally if I need help in carrying my luggage up seven friggin storeys you can give me a hand. I know I seem like an independent and strong girl (well I actually carried 10kg of stuff up just now), but inside, I’m insecure and weak.

Today, I was so exhausted upon reaching my room that I just flopped onto the bed and when I thought of smsing you i realised that no…i’ve already issued an ultimatum and that there’s no one special to care about me anymore. Yet when I saw that crocodile ad in 8days I smsed you one last time as a parting favour of some sort. You didn’t choose to look for me that day and I knew then that it’s pointless to press on anymore, I bet you feel pressurized..so why not I just disappear soundlessly from your life? Haha…i bet you’ll only realize that smth is amiss when u read my blog later this week. =/ (if you still read it…)

Oh and the hot mixed-blood girl living next door is called Aishah, incidentally. You can shout her name from now on.

Did siming just ask me to ‘go fark yourself’?

Charming.



FUCKING IRRITATING!
August 11, 2008, 2:47 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

The Bottom Line

Push things a little more in one of your relationships — it’s time to take a risk.

In Detail

You need to push things a little more in one of your relationships — you’ve been patient long enough, waiting for them to wake up to what is possible. And since they show little if any sign of doing so, it’s up to you to show them the light. So today, it’s time for you to take a little risk. Be vulnerable and open about your feelings, but be careful not to put forth any demands. Pressure is not a good element to add to this equation. All you have to do is talk.

Reflection

When I look at Cass and her ‘special friend’, a recruit in NS, Liu XIng and her Mark in Civil Defence, I can’t help but wonder how is it they can make time for each other and provide regular updates of their lives. Do I have the audacity to hope?

为什么要紧张一个不紧张我的人?那么痛苦,干嘛?他在忙他的我就忙我的。我已经非常宽容了,可是真的无法接受两个星期没约会的笑话。在我最需要你的关怀时,你连一通电话都没打来; 正当我渐渐独立时,又来些无聊的短讯让我重新想起你。

男人就是这样,你越想要亲近他,他就越不珍惜你。我再也不想主动了,到头来吃亏的是自己。还是多向你学习,还有很多等着我去关心呢。 不重视这段感情就算了,我不想贬低自己去乞求一个根本不重视我的人,太不象话了!

佳宜…如果你爱你自己,请不要再伤心,别再流下冤枉泪。今后只允许你露出灿烂的笑容,奖赏那些懂得疼你的人。耐心地等待吧,你已经尽力了。

 

Sorry no cure. If you’re a man, DO something…

Would you find me and hug me and not let go even if i’m punching you as payback?

If you won’t, fuck off.

Oops…relac laaa, so angry for what?

Lol…stupid girl…



More of uni life
August 8, 2008, 12:43 am
Filed under: food, platonic, reflection, romantic, wkw

I love the Biz Law police-turned-lawyer-turned-lecturer Koh Peng Kwee. He was sooooooo funny that we all peng from laughing xD Another powerhouse lecturer was a female Australian angmoh who lectured on Media 21, Singapore’s grand scheme to grow our arts scene through financing local films. Cool right…pity the only prolific directors are Eric Khoo, Jack Neo and most recently, Royston Tan.

Today at COM201 we had to invent our own communication model and present it to the whole cohort. My group did one based on the recent furore over Dawn Yang’s defamation suit to Xia Xue. and threw in some bio analogy about ‘partially permeable membranes’ and ‘osmosis’. Kinda cool…but the skit was nerve-wracking; I didn’t even pause long enough for the audience to laugh! =P Met some new people during the discussion like Avril and Yamuna, whose poetic Buddhist name stuck with me since orientation camp Animal Sound game. (We were both chickens!)

Then Cassandra brought me to meet her BS (Buddhist Society. What were you thinking?!)  friends Hui Ying and Yao Tang a senior. They were damn lively ppl, studying Chinese, so we conversed mainly in Mandarin. Yao Tang treated me to Chendol!!! Must-try from Hall 5! They use gula melaka and coconut milk, couldn’t be more authentic than that! Plus the fillings are filling lol…grass jelly cubes (instead of the normal plastic-like jelly), green worms and red bean. Jia Yi is a happy girl =DD Plus he’s gonna intro me to NTU wushu Training I/C. Ok must treat him back, but Cass told me to exploit his kindness.. MWAHAHA >D

 HALL 5 CHENDOL

Wonderful end to the day, though..I am confused now. Hmm..since it’s already like that, perhaps it’s a signal I should get prepped for real work too. Snap out of the holiday mood girl! You might have bitten off more than you can chew, so make sure you can cope with the workload this sem in addition to EOY dance perf practices.



August 6, 2008, 2:39 am
Filed under: platonic, reflection

The Bottom Line

Your self worth is deep within you, and you should lean on it. Believe in yourself.

In Detail

Your growing sense of self worth has come from deep within you, and that’s why it is so strong and meaningful. Now, if your self worth was built only on compliments or other people validating your achievements, then it wouldn’t be as solid. But you’ve taken risks and proven to yourself that you rock — and you rock hard. So have no fears that you will lose your confidence just because you stumble here or there. You’re made of stronger stuff than that, so have faith in yourself!

Exactly what I need…to know that I rawk…like really… Ling told me recently that we’re all in a transition period, and I cross my fingers and toes that all of us would emerge as better persons.

Jazz exam results comin out on Saturday, National Day gathering at Chinatown studio…NERVOUS! Lao shi raised a very valid point, ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.’ Exactly..I have somany good points yet I focus on the bad ones =.= like wth.

UPDATE: I attained Honours for Jazz Gold Medal! Lol…felt surprisingly neutral, the only thought on my mind was, you could have done better! Hmph.. That Ms Marlek is biased to boys..*grumbles*  Nevertheless, it was an awesome experience and I’m really inspired to choreograph my own stuff. made a card for Veron and DLG btw..

 



The first 3 days in school…
August 6, 2008, 1:15 am
Filed under: platonic, poem, reflection, romantic

On Sunday evening, I officially moved into NTU with my family in tow, who helped to clean up and arrange my belongings, Papa even volunteered to drop by if I need anything. Then we trooped down to Hall 9 canteen to have dinner and my mum started to nag about having proper meals and early bedtimes (ya right early in the morning 2am). Despite stoning throughout, I was actually quite touched by their presence. When they left, my heart felt a bit empty (._.)

A teeny bit only…I think I’ll adapt well to hall life after the initial ennui. Found the resident puppies and they were such CUTE FURBALLS! Still…they’re no a substitute for my kitties. Met my roomie JOYCE, who’s unbelievably nice and smiley. =) She’s studying English in AHSS, but but she likes to throw in some Chinese and Hokkien, which is so endearing.

 
Darn…I wanna hug it to sleep, lol…          Check it out…SYNCHRONIZED SLEEPIN’!


Monday
first day of school. The aircon spoiled, projecter overheated, but our COM203 lecturer Sherian George’s wit and charm deflected those distractions and directed us to the most important questions that we should ask. Why are we here? What does being a media professional mean?  How are we going to be critical in our thinking? Gonna find the seniors and see things from their perspective. Hope to ask my idol in Kinetic too =DD

Next lecture COM205 was more meaty i guess but less appealing. Public speaking was something I’ve always dabbled in, but one thing really struck me: to do really well in it, we’ve GOT to put the audience first and GIVE them the best speech ever, instead of focusing on ourselves. I’m glad that my tutorials are given by the Australian angmoh, he’s less sleep-inducing than Verena Tay. Assignments include presenting an Aesop’s fable, 2 prepared speeches and 1 IMPROMPTU speech. (@.@”)

Spent $88 on stationery and the textbook ‘The Art of Public Speaking’. Should have bought it cheap from seniors, but I couldn’t withstand the allure of a gleaming new tome.  Oh ya met an old friend from Chung Cheng! EUNICE =) She’s into photojournalism too! Cool right… Who knows? In the distant future of doing FYP we might work hand in hand. x)

The low point of the day was finding out that I knew nuts about STARS, our exciting first-click-first-serve version of NUS’ bidding system. Basically, there are three strategies for getting the cores and electives you want; either camping at your com way before course registration starts fingers poised over the mouse to click the course you want, scavenging for droppings..sorry..dropped courses, or trading courses with other people. As a last resort, one could still appeal but I’m not counting on that. Collapsed at twelve midnight, which is a good sign that my body is adjusting back to its normal circadian rhythm.

Tuesday we had COM201, which is The Introduction, but we barely registered as everyone was staring at STARS and frantically reorganizing their plans, squeezing their slots into three or four days so that one day is left free, while considering the vacancies left for the course. I was really fortunate to have Jiang Shuang and Audrey help me through the phone the previous night, but it was only at this moment that Xiao Xuan corrected a huge blunder I made: I thought that I had to choose 3 new cores, but we only had to include the existing 3 the school allocated to us! Whew… Both Kenneths lent me their lappies too, but it was Xiao Ken the senior who helped me decide my final combi for the semester: COM201, COM203, COM204, COM205, HMF1 (French), MB107 (Business Law). Hehehe…I’m following in SJ’s footsteps, she was the only one who did COM204 and 205 concurrently. What’s more, this means I can take lots of courses that need COM204 (Basic Media Writing) as a prerequisite. Next semester, for Prescribed Electives I’d target MB103 Marketing, MB106 Management, PHO215 B&W Photography, BS804 TCM/ MP8085 HIstory of Great Inventions.

Thanks ken for your prods towards the right direction. =) I’ll find my way around somehow. And thanks Shi Xiong for looking out for me and brightening up my day with that very cheeky and vaguely tiko smile (I know you can’t help it LOL!). I have never found Buddhism as relevant as now, in an unfamiliar environment, feeling strangely alienated to friends and family alike, with the exception of two, Ling and Xing.

Went for Wushu training, on the rooftop!! What a training to remember. Foochow Assoc is really stifling our growth, no wonder Lao Shi’s moving to Tanong Pagar CC. Somehow, there is an urgent need to open my heart and vent out those chaotic feelings. Or I would lose even the love of my life, Dance.

~I think of you in the shadows of the night,
a solitary cat under the pale moonlight.~

~If love means letting go, why did I hold on to
the hope for a ‘happily ever after’…~



An eventful week
August 3, 2008, 1:38 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

On Tuesday, I took some photos of Foochow hall as we’d be moving to a new location soon — Tanjong Pagar CC. Oh yes and long lost friends are callin me up. Like Justin who exclaimed that Mr Tong worked miracles, and that being a disciple of the Godfather of GP, he wants me to give him tuition. $50/session till A levels. NYahahaah.. Oh and Zhi Yun my Sports Camp friend. We met up at Chomp Chomp and talked about the businesses her bro and her are running, suddenly I was terrified of imminent working life after graduation. Must we map out our career now? Must we start making connections? Must we masquerade as ‘cool’ people?

Wednesday
FORGOT to go Park View to lead 2H. DLG called to scold. Felt like a failure.

Thursday
Went to NUS booth, witnessed Xi Xun’s amazing ability to chat up random ppl, saw Li Ling’s hostel. Then I went NTU to finish up all the official procedures, go for medical check-up (found out I had mild scoliosis) and collect my room keys.

  
It’s a lil’ scary, but hey…real dancers never have straight spines.

I got hall 9 in a serene forested area of the campus. The anticipation was building up as I climbed up the many stairs to my room. AGRH!!! The view is panoramic, greenery unbroken except for distant flats, and the sweet little room is so SWEET! Haha. So many long hairs strewn across the table and floor tho, thought of Sadako immediately. Lol. Went to trng late, lao shi black as midnight face.


View from the corridor right outside my room.

Friday
Went to the ASEAN+3 talks, it’s a pity Ling missed it, the first two were about social entrepreneurship. Then rushed all the way down to tutor my favourite ppl, Duo, Chin followed by Zoe. Was weak and shivering with hunger halfway and staggered to the coffee shop downstairs to buy food.

Saturday
Went for dance trng at 11, the rest were already dancing there. we were just zuo bo-ing there, so lao shi asked me to go next door and teach the rest basics, when he came over again, he thanked Ruo Dan instead for imparting her skills. I feel so sidelined, but that’s just cuz lao shi’s very good at reading ppl’s personality and perhaps he;s just holding back the praise to make me feel unimportant and thus more inclined to prove myself in the troupe. I feel, I’ve deproved so much, and I’m truly happy that lao shi has found a good assistant in Sophie, it’s not true that she can’t dance. If there’s a will there’s a way. If I my hunch wasn’t wrong, lao shi’s trying to make me take over Li Ling’s position as Dance leader. Heavy responsibility and commitment as every perf will require me to guide the rest, which I happily would do, but not when ppl undermine my efforts. Ok I’m rambling and I seriously don’t know how I can deflate this huge ego of mine. And my rapidly ballooning thighs too. Stop it.

OK…felt much better during wushu. As all the girls were serious about improving ji ti jian. We were much sharper, now we only have to tell Ling of some minor changes, and charge her u[p with team spirit. =D Haiya..ao shi’s unhappy with her for not informing abt project first chance asking foochow assoc for funding. Sigh. Well, lao shi has valid views just that Liling didn;t want to ma fan him, but now things are so ma fan. Hmm..

Then Xing came! to show face to lao shi lol. But he went away for meeting, so we went out for dinner instead. Haha, had Soup Spoon at Raffles City, now Xing knows the wonders at the Soup Spoon! Haha…then i received Kim’s sms abt not being able to meet cuz he was sick and I sian diao already. What a good thing I didn’t wait alone especially for him. How stupid would that be! Well, Xing made sure I had a good time, shopping and talking. Haha bought black ballet flats at Aldo and notebooks at that cute stationery shop. Walked around Anthropology and New Balance too! I want that cool canvas and leather bag that cost $59.90? And that hinge wallet that cost $42.90 but of course I didn’t buy them.

 
When Kim called, she even blabbered into the phone abt being my ‘lesbian gf’ xD lol.. Haiz his cough has to get worse =X and I bought Honey drink especially for him, carried that heavy bottle in my bag since afternoon. I even asked him if I could meet him at Suntec Convention Centre but he said couldn’t step out. First I can’t take photo with him in No. 1 uniform, now I can’t even see him. Horrible. Haha Xing was there to cheer me up tho, so excited and grab the bottle to drink. Ya she deserves it for being such a sweet friend ^.^

Not only her, Zul seems to have sixth sense or what, called me this few days to alleviate my pms-induced emoness. haiz he’s going to Singfest with Geraleine on Sunday lor!! Now then tell me =.= and he had to rub it in and make me wanna smack his face lol… LOL!

 

He says ‘Play it cool. Guys forget sometimes and friends are truly more impt than gf to guys. I’m happy for him, at least he’s going out with Siming and Louis more often and doing better at Wushu and soccer and everything. Even if I’m not a part of it. Haha that’s when being busy rly helps in keeping my mind off things and stave that ache in my heart at missing him so much and wondering why he’s so neutral to me now.

She says ‘ Show some attitude. Don’t care so much. Just be happy and have fun.’ Spoken like a strong-minded girl who knows how to keep her emotions in check.

Frankly, I don’t have the energy to care anymore cuz I get easily tired and depressed so why worry abt such stuff? I need to exercise more, and focus more on adapting to new life in uni. So scared with no one to hold on to, even well-meaning friends, cuz they are in poly lol and can only support me mentally LOL!