Thou greatest enemy is thyself


November 23, 2007, 1:57 pm
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well…mr tong said. Kissing is an act of love for girls. Sex is overrated to guys, what they crave is the emotional security and trust in their girl. I think, being the insecure person that I am, i was scared of commiting all my feelings to him and getting hurt or rejected in the process; even as i loved him wholeheartedly, there were inhibitions, and true enough, i’ve fulfilled my own prophecy.

there exists a large possibility that he may no longer have feelings for me, but he WILL never play the bad cop, eventually i will do what needs to be done. Sigh. This for my own good. I’ve invested too little in emotional stability. I should rely on my own acceptance of myself and not Mr Tickles, or anyone.

On me feeling like a failure. There’s no use lowering my expectations when ppl around me know where i can reach. So simply delay such high expectations and work towards it in future. In the mean time, religion, friends, productive activities will keep my mind occupied and heart healthy. Whether I get into nafa or laselle, i shall catch up with my peers in at most a year’s time.

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very true..good…good.
November 23, 2007, 4:28 am
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Your good energy affords you a new opportunity to look deeply within yourself and figure out what is really giong on. Yuo may want to explore some new territory physically or spiritually.



Celine Dion – Taking Chances lyrics
November 21, 2007, 5:33 pm
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Celine Dion – Taking Chances lyrics

Don’t know much about your life.
Don’t know much about your world, but
Don’t want to be alone tonight,
On this planet they call earth.

You don’t know about my past, and
I don’t have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it’s not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there’s solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there’s solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

And I had my heart beaten down,
But I always come back for more, yeah.
There’s nothing like love to pull you up,
When you’re laying down on the floor there.
So talk to me, talk to me,
Like lovers do.
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,
Like lovers do,
Like lovers do.

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there’s solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

Don’t know much about your life
And I don’t know much about your world

omg…this so applies to me now, thanks soph



VIRGO
November 21, 2007, 5:24 pm
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The Virgoan urge to create perfection reflects the innate creativity of people born under this Sign, their keen sense of aesthetics and order, and their natural predilection for the worthwhile in life. From a very early age they are often interested in the visual and decorative arts and crafts, antiques and fine music.

Their perfectionism also underlies their methodical approach to work, their gift for detail and accuracy. They tend to have quite exceptional memories and do well in tests of ready reckoning or factual recall. They usually make good students, historians, navigators and health practitioners. They are also keen and shrewd and these plus their other natural talents stand them in good stead if they follow careers in journalism.

The Virgonas’ methodical nature also favours work which involves planning and periodical checking. They are happy to accept responsibility so careers requiring assiduous supervision and inspection such as editing, pharmacy, banking, insurance, and product management are indicated for Virgoans.

They are renowned for creating tranquil conditions about themselves, whether at work or at home. Virgoans often gravitate towards humanitarian issues, acting as go-betweens, arbitrators and diplomats. However, Virgoans typically work very hard, so thatwhile working for the betterment of others they may simultaneously overlook their own well-being.

Virgoans are generally kind-natured, gentle folk, so their ability to detect undesirable acquaintances – and to guard against their advances – is a useful one.

Virgoan born towards the end of the Sign, from around 9 September onwards, can be quite complicated individuals, combining a quixotic nature and a hasty temper with the more typical Virgoan eye for detail and highly retentive memory. They tend to be very lucky because this latter part of the Sign comes under the fixed star Zosma which brings benefits through the oddest and most unlikely situations.

Sudden changes in fortune are the special hallmark of those born on or near 9 September. The downside for these Virgoans is that they seem to move through many relationships, both business and personal, becuase their nature is restless and they seek and attract change. They would do well to combine these traits with their meticulous Virgoan streak, finding the right occupational niche for themselves.

Hmm..



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November 20, 2007, 3:09 pm
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November 17, 2007, 1:51 pm
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First trial at epitreatz toady.. mum’s gonna pay 888 for 7.5 treatments, wonder how they/re gonna pull that off.



opening up
November 15, 2007, 4:09 pm
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Went to SOT today at about 1. Min was there early..and i knew that something was up, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell me after one week plus of ‘haiz…i dunno…’ i never thought that opening up could be so difficult, it’s not a prob for me at all. Then, she made up her mind, snuggled into the dirty blue couch, and started to say it out, about her ups and downs since sec 1, Now she’s living all alone in that Bukit Timah apartment, I’m worried that she’ll sink into a deeper funk muling over the past. What I’m sure of is that she’s MUCH better now, after coming to SOT. Hope that she finds meaning in life sooon. I plan to help by psycho-ing her to come for camp (: After listening to her, I guess i really took my supportive family for granted, adults and mentors who watch over me, as well as various circles of friends who tirelessly listen to my rabid rants. Argh. I need to become more independent, keep saying time and time again, but as long as my parents don’t kick me out of the house, I’ll keep stretching my palms out for food and money.

Today Mr Tong complimented me and minmin…say that we are good ppl to rope into a team (: I erally hope to start my own business one day, doing what I really loev (: Did the DISC* test. My projected self in front of others is a DIC (Domineering Influential and Caring?) which is a Communicator, found the description very true. Then my true self and improved self is a DSC, which is a Leader, which is pretty good too (: Better copy the thing from Mr Tong and paste it here! 😀



‘mugging’
November 14, 2007, 3:19 pm
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was mugging at changi airport bk. really empty and quiet today..but lotsa ang mohs, no sign of the blue eyed man sihui was talkin abt tho, hmph.. Dozed off..TWICE, and when I woke up, a flock of turquoise blue overwhelmed the place, students from MINDS. Most of them had Down’s syndrome and other obvious ailments, but two of them looked perfectly alright and smiley, until they babble incoherently and wander off aimlessly. That’s when I felt really fortunate to have my faculties intact. *sigh* They’re like normal kids actually, bubbly and struck with sudden frivolity like clapping and batting eyelashes, the next moment serious and earnestly striking a toast of coke with the neighbour opposite, to ultimate little boy ‘i’m grosser than thou’ contests (he licked the table!! hahaha!) oh well, i admire the three teachers’/caregivers’ patience and light but firm tone, they’ve really got a lot of compassion and wisdom…maybe i can volunteer there, hmm..

been thinking abt him, about how this incident reflect our characters. sigh..are we compatible or not…



uncertain
November 13, 2007, 2:52 pm
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Never will i lose my shine to someone again. Self-confidence is a difficult thing to build. Even my foundations are shaky, I doubt if I’m really a good person at all. Well I guess I know but I lapse into my Mr Hyde persona ever so often. First thing I need to suss out is my character. It’s horrible of me to value friends and mentors more than family, mum especially. Next is my sister, I need to stay connected to her or risk losing the sister I know, she’s growing up FAST, and blooming into something more beautiful than me. Then my father. Oh he had high hopes for me *starts tearing at this point* I need to reach my full potential. And be a mature, filial elder daughter, because I can see that he’s growing old before my eyes…

Happiness is a DALIY EFFORT. think positive and always visualize the successful and strong person I want to be in the near future. Every little improvement shall be a triumph and i shall be patient because a lot of precious time has been wiled away..

Self-worth is not just measured by academic achievements. However, this A levels shall be a big regret…I wonder if I should do a third year…or move on to my true interest? Journalism, arts, art, singapore politics, graphic design, fashion…throwing these possibilities around… I want to be active in SBM and SFA, not only for personal enjoyment and fulfilment, but also to propogate the Dhamma and promote worthy causes like Chinese dance and wushu.

As for Mr Tickles, I wonder…I truly hope that he will accept me and love me for who I am. I recently saw a side of him that plunged me heart into an ice bucket. My love for him is dormant, but still able to revive. He…is a typical Aries. Stubborn, always arguing with me. Driven….excelling in what he sets his mind on. Arrogant…supremely confident, never in the wrong though he tactfully implies the opposite, not tolerating any weakness.

My worst fear is that he finds me ‘not up to standard’, he was already expecting me to reject him when he ‘proposed’, but now it’s as if he has cold feet about this girl who turned out to be a neurotic wreck, and is set on upgrading himself so that he’ll be even more eligible for his ideal girl. This is just preumptuous me projecting a doomsday scenario. Of course I can do much to avert it and swing it to my advantage. My nature is to cling, the slightest pressure warrants immediate release on my various shrinks. I think it’s time I faced them on my own and be less affecetd by adversity. Also, I need to feel good about my appearance, can’t help it, I’m a visual person, if I don’t like what’s in the mirror, I’ll get grumpy. Then I need to be more outgoing and outspoken. This I can learn from the abundant crappers in SOT. I need to give credit to myself for my good points and capitalise on them to help others. Be less selfish and love more instead of always receiving. Phrase my words properly so as not to cause misunderstandings and to strengthen ties.. Last but not least, I need to sleep more, and meditate moer..