Thou greatest enemy is thyself

More of uni life
August 8, 2008, 12:43 am
Filed under: food, platonic, reflection, romantic, wkw

I love the Biz Law police-turned-lawyer-turned-lecturer Koh Peng Kwee. He was sooooooo funny that we all peng from laughing xD Another powerhouse lecturer was a female Australian angmoh who lectured on Media 21, Singapore’s grand scheme to grow our arts scene through financing local films. Cool right…pity the only prolific directors are Eric Khoo, Jack Neo and most recently, Royston Tan.

Today at COM201 we had to invent our own communication model and present it to the whole cohort. My group did one based on the recent furore over Dawn Yang’s defamation suit to Xia Xue. and threw in some bio analogy about ‘partially permeable membranes’ and ‘osmosis’. Kinda cool…but the skit was nerve-wracking; I didn’t even pause long enough for the audience to laugh! =P Met some new people during the discussion like Avril and Yamuna, whose poetic Buddhist name stuck with me since orientation camp Animal Sound game. (We were both chickens!)

Then Cassandra brought me to meet her BS (Buddhist Society. What were you thinking?!)  friends Hui Ying and Yao Tang a senior. They were damn lively ppl, studying Chinese, so we conversed mainly in Mandarin. Yao Tang treated me to Chendol!!! Must-try from Hall 5! They use gula melaka and coconut milk, couldn’t be more authentic than that! Plus the fillings are filling lol…grass jelly cubes (instead of the normal plastic-like jelly), green worms and red bean. Jia Yi is a happy girl =DD Plus he’s gonna intro me to NTU wushu Training I/C. Ok must treat him back, but Cass told me to exploit his kindness.. MWAHAHA >D


Wonderful end to the day, though..I am confused now. Hmm..since it’s already like that, perhaps it’s a signal I should get prepped for real work too. Snap out of the holiday mood girl! You might have bitten off more than you can chew, so make sure you can cope with the workload this sem in addition to EOY dance perf practices.


August 6, 2008, 2:39 am
Filed under: platonic, reflection

The Bottom Line

Your self worth is deep within you, and you should lean on it. Believe in yourself.

In Detail

Your growing sense of self worth has come from deep within you, and that’s why it is so strong and meaningful. Now, if your self worth was built only on compliments or other people validating your achievements, then it wouldn’t be as solid. But you’ve taken risks and proven to yourself that you rock — and you rock hard. So have no fears that you will lose your confidence just because you stumble here or there. You’re made of stronger stuff than that, so have faith in yourself!

Exactly what I need…to know that I rawk…like really… Ling told me recently that we’re all in a transition period, and I cross my fingers and toes that all of us would emerge as better persons.

Jazz exam results comin out on Saturday, National Day gathering at Chinatown studio…NERVOUS! Lao shi raised a very valid point, ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.’ Exactly..I have somany good points yet I focus on the bad ones =.= like wth.

UPDATE: I attained Honours for Jazz Gold Medal! Lol…felt surprisingly neutral, the only thought on my mind was, you could have done better! Hmph.. That Ms Marlek is biased to boys..*grumbles*  Nevertheless, it was an awesome experience and I’m really inspired to choreograph my own stuff. made a card for Veron and DLG btw..


The first 3 days in school…
August 6, 2008, 1:15 am
Filed under: platonic, poem, reflection, romantic

On Sunday evening, I officially moved into NTU with my family in tow, who helped to clean up and arrange my belongings, Papa even volunteered to drop by if I need anything. Then we trooped down to Hall 9 canteen to have dinner and my mum started to nag about having proper meals and early bedtimes (ya right early in the morning 2am). Despite stoning throughout, I was actually quite touched by their presence. When they left, my heart felt a bit empty (._.)

A teeny bit only…I think I’ll adapt well to hall life after the initial ennui. Found the resident puppies and they were such CUTE FURBALLS! Still…they’re no a substitute for my kitties. Met my roomie JOYCE, who’s unbelievably nice and smiley. =) She’s studying English in AHSS, but but she likes to throw in some Chinese and Hokkien, which is so endearing.

Darn…I wanna hug it to sleep, lol…          Check it out…SYNCHRONIZED SLEEPIN’!

first day of school. The aircon spoiled, projecter overheated, but our COM203 lecturer Sherian George’s wit and charm deflected those distractions and directed us to the most important questions that we should ask. Why are we here? What does being a media professional mean?  How are we going to be critical in our thinking? Gonna find the seniors and see things from their perspective. Hope to ask my idol in Kinetic too =DD

Next lecture COM205 was more meaty i guess but less appealing. Public speaking was something I’ve always dabbled in, but one thing really struck me: to do really well in it, we’ve GOT to put the audience first and GIVE them the best speech ever, instead of focusing on ourselves. I’m glad that my tutorials are given by the Australian angmoh, he’s less sleep-inducing than Verena Tay. Assignments include presenting an Aesop’s fable, 2 prepared speeches and 1 IMPROMPTU speech. (@.@”)

Spent $88 on stationery and the textbook ‘The Art of Public Speaking’. Should have bought it cheap from seniors, but I couldn’t withstand the allure of a gleaming new tome.  Oh ya met an old friend from Chung Cheng! EUNICE =) She’s into photojournalism too! Cool right… Who knows? In the distant future of doing FYP we might work hand in hand. x)

The low point of the day was finding out that I knew nuts about STARS, our exciting first-click-first-serve version of NUS’ bidding system. Basically, there are three strategies for getting the cores and electives you want; either camping at your com way before course registration starts fingers poised over the mouse to click the course you want, scavenging for droppings..sorry..dropped courses, or trading courses with other people. As a last resort, one could still appeal but I’m not counting on that. Collapsed at twelve midnight, which is a good sign that my body is adjusting back to its normal circadian rhythm.

Tuesday we had COM201, which is The Introduction, but we barely registered as everyone was staring at STARS and frantically reorganizing their plans, squeezing their slots into three or four days so that one day is left free, while considering the vacancies left for the course. I was really fortunate to have Jiang Shuang and Audrey help me through the phone the previous night, but it was only at this moment that Xiao Xuan corrected a huge blunder I made: I thought that I had to choose 3 new cores, but we only had to include the existing 3 the school allocated to us! Whew… Both Kenneths lent me their lappies too, but it was Xiao Ken the senior who helped me decide my final combi for the semester: COM201, COM203, COM204, COM205, HMF1 (French), MB107 (Business Law). Hehehe…I’m following in SJ’s footsteps, she was the only one who did COM204 and 205 concurrently. What’s more, this means I can take lots of courses that need COM204 (Basic Media Writing) as a prerequisite. Next semester, for Prescribed Electives I’d target MB103 Marketing, MB106 Management, PHO215 B&W Photography, BS804 TCM/ MP8085 HIstory of Great Inventions.

Thanks ken for your prods towards the right direction. =) I’ll find my way around somehow. And thanks Shi Xiong for looking out for me and brightening up my day with that very cheeky and vaguely tiko smile (I know you can’t help it LOL!). I have never found Buddhism as relevant as now, in an unfamiliar environment, feeling strangely alienated to friends and family alike, with the exception of two, Ling and Xing.

Went for Wushu training, on the rooftop!! What a training to remember. Foochow Assoc is really stifling our growth, no wonder Lao Shi’s moving to Tanong Pagar CC. Somehow, there is an urgent need to open my heart and vent out those chaotic feelings. Or I would lose even the love of my life, Dance.

~I think of you in the shadows of the night,
a solitary cat under the pale moonlight.~

~If love means letting go, why did I hold on to
the hope for a ‘happily ever after’…~

Family day
July 28, 2008, 12:45 am
Filed under: family, platonic, reflection, work

Sundayyy…family day…has changed to tuteee dayy…. Have arranged with the 3 siblings. When I start school, I’ll only tutor them on Sunday =) Added Math tuition for the youngest. Haha saw their K1 lower pri class photos today, Chin and Duo were thinner then!! Fatter is cuter though x)) And and and, I was so touched when Angie ladled a bowl of mince pork and fish porridge for me!

It’s even nicer than my mum’s cooking! Lol…just stating facts!

Then I took photo downstairs with Zo Ro and Dex. So sad la.. I ‘gave’ Rodex to Jeremy cuz he lives like one street away from them, sure hope he’s not just in for the moolah. I mean…i really wanna see both of them improve in Math!

Ro Zo and yours truly the coolest tuition teacher ever~

After that my mum maid sis and I went to East Coast Park and cycled for an hour, taking different routes LOL! Then went to Parkway where my sis and I went to eat at MOS Burger then I went to Watsons to buy Salon Pas stickers and Tiger Balm muscle rub.

Oh yes I forgot to update about OG outing, It was better than expected, tho my kitten heels killed me after standing in them throughout the screening of Hairspray. This reminded me about the last time I went to watch an outdoor movie at National Museum: The Three Nocturnes, an old school Chan Brothers movie musical starring Feng Fei Fei. Oh yes check out some pics of the illuminated National Museum.

The white outlines superimposed painstakingly by an Australian company.

The austere white abrubtly changed to this funky colour combi.

The mass comm seniors are really friendly, including Lyon, Xiao Ken, Cameron, Sara Jean, Sheema, Yiting, Cheryl and Yan Liang, Mel MIA =( and I was hoping to ask her more about joining hip-hop.. Feeling much happier now, as I have a wonderful emo cocky counterpart in Kenneth to learn from, though i realised that some people 先敬罗衣再敬人, must be wary of *ahem*. I realised too that one of the favourite pastimes of mass commers is boozing, which I would avoid as that’s breaking precepts. However, it’s a pity to miss out on the fun at seeing them drunk and act drunk myself xD

Oh ya… That’s S.A.M. from a distance, beautiful ain’t it =D

July 27, 2008, 1:05 am
Filed under: dance / wushu, platonic, rant, reflection, romantic

Today…saturday…always the day when i come to Foochow Assoc for dance and wushu. My senses are deadened. My joy is muted. My brain is turmoiled. Or it could just be me…pms-ing… instead of being pro-active in making life a lil better. Haha.

Wushu competition is drawing near, and because of the constant pushing myself to the max those past months of practice, and that freak accident involving me flying into Kenny’s armpit while doing xuan zi, the whole right side of my body is now in a sorry condition. Lol…from top to bottom: head, neck, back, shoulder joint, wrist, waist, knee and ankle, with the exception of my toe. My LEFT little toenail got ripped off, now it’s re-attached by a congealed mass of blood. Put on a plaster to hide the gruesome sight.

Thankfully, it’s nothing a superb bowl of fish soup downstairs and nice company can’t solve! HAHAHA! Ok…Ruo Dan, Li Ling, Kai Ling, Samartha, Angelina and I had lunch, and Sam was sharing her aggravating account of some irritating NIE freshies who is whining and sniping at the organisers’ efforts. Totally immature, he’ll never make it in a real school if he doesn’t learn how to get along with current classmates (aka future colleagues) and suck up to their seniors (aka potential HOD or Principal). What happened to the old adage of ‘putting yourself in another’s shoes’? Do you think you could handle welfare, logistics, games, admin and miscellaneous as competently as your seniors? Show a little respect!!! And it’s no longer enough for a teacher to teach, you are expected to organise events and create a positive public image. A little fact gleaned by CCHMS former discipline master Mr Soon: Schools are now run like corporations, competition is cut-throat. You can’t attract students? Expect to get less funding and die off eventually. *sombre silence* (Mr Soon always has that effect, damn pro he was.)

Oh yes, Angelina commented on my face, it’s getting worse cuz of the late nights, stress over uni preparations and PMS. Maybe I’ll go for facial tomorrow after giving tuition. Plan plan: Morning jog 8-9, tuition 10-4.30, facial set appointment at 6.30? Enough time to go home, shower, eat dinner, go online. I used to have such low self-esteem over my face, but now I won’t worry so much. If I take care of what’s inside, the outside will improve naturally =) I’m optimistic.

After that I headed to Bugis, Waterloo Street specifically, for tie da, Brendan’s Uncle specifically. He works miracles seriously. Last year I also looked for him for my knees and sprained wrist. Ok back to my back. He started by slathering on oil and gliding a suction cup along my back, enough to make me squeal as the muscles were so tensed up. The he planted a few more of those ‘suckers’ at strategic points and adjusted them accordingly. I couldn’t really remember the order after that but he did those twists and cracks and kneading and heating. Damn shiok after the whole thing but now it’s a little sore cuz the healing process is takin place. Best of all, he only charged me $28.40!!! Medicated plaster FOC!! THANKS YONG TING, i mean BRENDAN lol… People look for DR TAY KOK MENG…he RAWKS!

Side note: I don’t get why people aren’t proud of their Chinese names. It’s so rich with meaning encapsulated in that 2 or 3 characters. Well that’s not saying English names are bad, it could be part of your upbringing (religion, family tradition, etc) or your metamorphosis into an adult (discovering your true self, creating a new identity, emulating an idol, etc.)

Ohwell…went home and slacked with my mum and sis, it’s a nice warm fuzzy feeling slacking with them. Heh. My goal is to treat them better, after all they deserve the best in me. Haha gotta learn from Kim in this area, The Filial Son/Tough-love Brother/Caring Boyfriend. I don’t know if I’m over-sensitive or what but it’s been EXACTLY a month since he last kissed me, as in kiss until I can swoon of happiness, the last time he ‘kissed’ (note inverted commas) me was a dry peck on the lips, just a brush, landed infinitely slowly and softly, and ONLY because I said I wanted to kiss him (Okay this is so pathetic I didn’t wanna put it down at first).  RARR! *sulks*  Yes I know lots of things are happening to him, really heartbreaking too and my heart breaks with him, but I want to share it with him because he is important to me! Why withdraw and just say ‘no mood’? =X Argh.. Yes I know I mentioned that I didn’t want the physical to define our relationship, but that doesn’t mean that the emotional and mental part should be neglected. And when even the physical is lost, then I might as well be a friend with the label of ‘Girlfriend’.. And if he always hangs out with his homies I’d rather be a homie really then I can really share his troubles, laugh at his idiotic antics and even enjoy a comfortable silence without expecting more… Ack…I’m getting all worked up again though I just replied his sms lightheartedly. Perhaps I should take a leaf out of Li Ling and Sophie. 1. Be cheerful and act cute (sophie) 2. DEH more and subtly hint that I want his affection (Li Ling) but both are so not my forte so 3. i’ll just give him space and time until he eventually misses me (Jia Yi).

One comment that struck me ‘Only a stupid guy would be sad over a girl’. If that’s your philosophy then…..i shall go and sleep and forget about it. No use mulling over it.

I <3 Saturdays!
June 29, 2008, 3:13 am
Filed under: dance / wushu, fashion, jewellery, platonic, reflection, romantic

Went to SFA as usual for dance and wushu, practised from 10-6 almost non-stop, but I was happy =) I’m still a little unsteady in dance due to my knees but i get the FEEL alright. And in ji ti jian, I like the challenge of being part of the group and helping each other to reach greater heights. Xiao Dan lao shi (originally from DES) is a great asset and I’m so grateful she’s here to teach us! She’s a China coach and her grace speed and strength inspire me to achieve perfection in sword.

Skipped lunch to burn some kiddy music from De Li Ge’s laptop. He gave me quite a few lobangs: St Hilda’s hip-hop, Anchorgreen tambourine/creative movt and Park View ethnic fusion. Right now I also hold quite a few tuition jobs: 7 kids at Kembangan alone, and one who lives near me. I should earn around $2K for July (minus 5 days of Mass Comm camp). Yet it’s useless as I’m overspending!!! For example, I spent a whopping $470 during the Mango sale at the Parkway and Tampines Mall branch; at Aldo I easily spent a hundred. Online shopping and impulse buys here and there amount to a substantial amount too. I can’t help it! The discounts are 40-50% and I’ve been eyeing certain items for ages~ It’s time to clear my wardrobe, and recoup my losses =.=lll

What else…oh I bought these at the Suntec branch of Fat Face, both at 60% off!green. 
Metal leaf necklace $43.90 $16.90                               Shell bracelet $29.90 $12.90

Herman helped me pick =D and he was even more patient than Liu Xing xD LOL!  He’s The BGF (Best Guy Friend) Ever! It’s like what’s the point of accompanying someone to go shopping and saying that EVERYTHING’S nice? One’s gotta give an honest opinion about what’s hot…and what’s not…about you; it shows that one genuinely cares. One of my BFFs is Sophie, she wrote me a letter that kickstarted my efforts to change for the better, and I think a reply is looooong overdue… Sometimes, I marvel at how we go way back, and when I KNOW where she came from, it makes me understand her current position more.

What else…oh yeah thought quite a lot about the definition of love. I guess my ideal relationship would be with a guy who would change for me for the better, who wants to make our bond stronger little by little, and think I’m special enough to constantly encourage me and shower me with praise cuz I NEVER get tired of them and it is in fact the fuel for my drive to succeed. Looks do matter in the initial attraction, but who cares anyway? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and my love is always the most handsome! x)) Character is of utmost importance, I was so pleased when I showed DLG a photo of Kim and I, and he went ‘He looks like a decent guy.’ basically that’s his stamp of approval, cuz he’s seen all sorts.

A PHOTO. It holds fond memories (^.^)
of a roll in the grass, haha…

I’m pretty contented with my life now. BUUUT…my old bad habit of PROCRASTINATING is creeping baaack. Still got 2 GP essays to do for SOT’s Broader Perspectives mag and the NTU mass comm online procedure T.T Get it over and done with Jia Yi!!!

Startin’ anew
June 21, 2008, 9:21 am
Filed under: movie, platonic, romantic

After a long hiatus from my blog, I’ve finally returned to record my travails and torrid affairs. Where shall I start? Ok just a quick one on Friday night’s catching up with Jia Lin, my childhood friend. We caught a free screening of ‘Get Smart’ at Vivo GV and after that walked about at Zara and Pull & Bear. It’s funny how people change and yet stay the same after so long. From the days of marching around in class singing R-rated versions of pop songs and talking about crushes, we’re now critquing clothes and discussing future plans. Her Mr Bean-ish funniness (saying hello to random little girls xD) still shows though. Then I escorted her to the MRT station, where I BUMPED into my bf and his roly-poly buddy.

At Pull & Bear, one of my fav stores.. Should I buy this top?!

Yes I’m now newly attached after 6 months of grieving over my first break-up. Needless to say, we have our own issues, but what do people say? Make up sex, or make up making out in our case, was fireworks after lots of pent-up emo-ness. Yeah…the outdoor area of Vivo holds a special meaning to me now…as well as the cinema….and the last bus of 38. Tml shall be our first month anniversary, and truly, he’s the best damn thing that happened to me in a long while and I shall cherish every moment tgt, love him wholeheartedly, while it lasts of course..everything is impermanent…so be happy while you can =)

(to be continued..)

Did you realise that I didn’t mention about him at all in the previous posts? Haha that’s cuz when I’m truly happy I don’t really touch my blog. Even if there ARE happy posts in my blog, it’s more to convince myself that life doesn’t suck. okay…a short recap, I’ve met Heng Kim Peng aka kimchi aka MASTER WUGUI since december after adding him randomly on friendster, best decision I’ve ever made though I was worried at first that he’ll think I’m an ‘anyhow’ girl. Haha..maybe subconsciously I already liked him a bit =p and being the naturally friendly person that i am, decided to go out more often with him, no harm knowing a friend better right? *winks* but rly…he rawks as a fren n i wouldn’t have minded to continue being his friend if it means i can have him my whole life…  =) Love’s sweeter but turns sour more easily? =x HOPE NOT! *cross my fingers*