Thou greatest enemy is thyself

3D2N retreat! Left SG on fri morinng, came back on Sunday night. Despite having Feng and Ah Hao, our van was much quieter compared to the Shitty Girls’ van. Might have been the sweet smell of soap and pee. >< ZZZZZZZZ…

I’m rly rly glad I went despite my muscle fatigue and hacking cough. Ven Mahinda (Hwee’s teacher) has restored my confidence in the Triple Gems. Surprisingly, I could sit well, longest abt 2hours? That irritaing numbness became a warm fuzzy feeling, and that sharp ache in the right half of my back was reduced to a twinge. Such is the power of mindfulness (being aware of the in and out breath ONLY)! This, plus Metta meditation (spreading loving-kindness to everyone I know), gave me a deep sense of calm and joy. =)

“Whatever good things your loved ones give you, a well-trained mind can do better. Whatever harm your enemies inflict on you, an ill-trained mind can do worse.”

That’s a quote I will always remember. And I will strive to purify and discipline my mind through meditation. It consists of Right Effort (1.Preventing unwholesome thoughts 2. Overcoming them when they arise 3.Creating a wholesome state of mind, and 4.Maintaining it.) Right Mindfulness (of our Thought Speech and Bodily Actions), and Right Concentration. (which i forgot, muz ask Clor..)

During the course of the retreat, there were restraints on our 5 senses, and we took 8 Precepts instead of the usual 5 (No killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, lying, intoxicants) We woke up at 5 am for chanting and sitting, then breakfast, individual practice, lunch, assigned duties and evening dhamma talk before sleeping at 10pm. On wooden platforms. We observed Noble Silence at all times, which means no talking unless absolutely necessary.

One thing that struck me was the being surrounded by Nature, the solitude was deafening. The bird calls and cricket chirps were…beautiful. Yeah..and I didn’t mind the heat and sweat at all, in fact it felt so right (to have one shower a day haha JK..) One thing is the continuity of mindfulness; in every step we take, eyes focused on the path and not roving around, fully immersed in one’s current activity be it mopping the floor, shitting, eating, every bite was taken mindfully. ‘Not for fun, not for pleasure, but to sustain our health to continue our development in the Dhamma’, and being filled with gratitude for the sponsors and kitchen aunties =D)

it has done me good, “Talk less, eat less, sleep less” hahaha..most importantly: “It is better to live 1 day mindfully than 100 years without mindfulness”

After Bio lec near the General Office,
“Why u alone? Where are your class people?”
“Upstairs.”

HEART SQUEEZE whenever people misunderstand me. I cannot understand why Ivy or whoever whould assume that I attach a negative connotation to ‘clique’. To me, it means a group of like-minded friends who are able to click. Ain’t that a good thing?! *sigh*

It was just a factual observation, indeed I don’t have a ‘special friend’ in class simply because I don’t spend enough time with the rest. However, I’m really happy around you all, as I feel welcomed; that sense of belonging is truly…something.

Perhaps I don’t put enough effort to get involved with my CGmates and find out what’s going on in their lives. My practice is ‘Quality over Quantity’, good friends of mine will know that I’m the type who might drift apart to be in my own space, then fully immerse myself in their affairs at a moment’s notice. Of course, I enjoy companionship: watching a movie, prata for supper, mugging at a secluded spot, playing badminton, go clubbing, whatever.. Just give me a call!

To date, I’ve realised that it’s also a matter of Fate, whether we’re learning DANCE together for close to 6 years, being brothers and sisters in the Dhamma, and even friends’ friends, whom I find an affinity with. It all depends. People change, conditions change. If the time is not ripe or the current state has soured, it is pointless suffering to be attached and yearn for that former relationship. This is NOT to say I do not try my best to salvage the situation. I always cherish the present friendship and cultivate new ones. Love is acceptance.

If somehow our paths meet and we get along well and become bosom buddies, that’s wonderful! If we’re only acquaintances who brush shuolders, that’s cool too. Glad to have known you! =) May you be well and happy..

I am so looking forward to Malacca retreat, maybe I’ll find more faith in Buddhism..

I’m not a member of any clique in my class. Maybe it’s cuz I keep running away for Art and H1 Chem.. We’ve just eaten lunch and here I am in the Hub to rush this post before Maths tut.

In the ‘Ivy League’ (ok they don’t haf an official name =p) there’s Ivy, Sze Ying, Kylie, Heng Pei, Wei Fen, Shu Zhen, Jia Le , Karen. Note this is in increasing order of closeness and clickability, with the exception of Ivy. =)

And in ‘SPDF'(minus Phebe who’s in another class) there’s Keli, Valerie, Abigail, Ling Ting, Rachel and Mary, this is in decreasing order of frequency of interaction. In fact, I have a hunch that mary holds me in contempt, or simply doesn’t give a damn of my existence because I’m a good-for-nothing slob in studies, while I gotta admire her diligence and habit of 打破沙锅问到底.

Last but not least the ‘Dark Girls’ Shi Hui, Jaz Luar, Jaz Lim and Amanda, from tallest to shortest. The guys erm..CMI lah, Titus, Kenneth, Zheng Yang, Erwin and shucks I forgot his name, oh Yumeng. Well the groups meld fairly well when the occassion arises. Lessons are never boring with all the crap flying around. I would not trade ANYTHING in this world to be in another class. *sighs happily*

Why does the mermaid wear seashells?

Cuz she can’t fit into B-shells..hur hur..

Mr Hsu: I hafta go for MRI scan for both shoulders, very expensive..

Mary: No need, I haf scanner at home can scan for u!

Oh man, the air-con is freezing already, don’t need any help from these ppl.

I suck. Patience is not my virtue. I GET things a little faster..SO what! That doesn’t mean that I should groan when the others ask questions to clarify their doubts. My attitude is nothing short of a disgrace, stoning and leaning all over the place (can’t help it, always sleepy~), interjecting now and then to affirm that ‘NO, we’re NOT going according to plan. Let’s stop deviating and proceed on the goddamn topic.’ =.=” (Well not that direct obviously but Mr Tong can still sense my subtle displeasure. Oops. =X) I now resolve to be of utmost contribution to the class instead of being a self-centred pain in the neck.

And I’m sooo immature. When people don’t reciprocate my affection, I’ll just turn a 180 degrees. And cross my arms like a little kid who refuses to be good. And harbour that grudge for a long long time. And while it lasts, every word will drip with sarcasm and scorn. Especially guys? Who continue to be perfect angels even after they’ve shredded your hopes and kicked you off cloud nine. Ooo wait till I aim the devil’s fork at your….(insert place where it hurts most) *grins* But then again, some guys I know just view girls as ‘friends with benefits’, who’s desirable enough to be added to their bevy of ego-boosters. Well a certain someone’s bound to scoff, ‘That’s what YOU think, you don’t really know!’ Erm, I don’t want to, after our short-lived sub-quality interaction.

But thanx for the learning experience. I’d be more discerning in future.

it’s kinda exasperating. PLEASE..it’s ur future we’re talking abt. Do the best for YOURSELF, and don’t try to attract attention by doing undesirable stuff.