Thou greatest enemy is thyself

Alokarama- Malacca
March 26, 2007, 8:36 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

3D2N retreat! Left SG on fri morinng, came back on Sunday night. Despite having Feng and Ah Hao, our van was much quieter compared to the Shitty Girls’ van. Might have been the sweet smell of soap and pee. >< ZZZZZZZZ…

I’m rly rly glad I went despite my muscle fatigue and hacking cough. Ven Mahinda (Hwee’s teacher) has restored my confidence in the Triple Gems. Surprisingly, I could sit well, longest abt 2hours? That irritaing numbness became a warm fuzzy feeling, and that sharp ache in the right half of my back was reduced to a twinge. Such is the power of mindfulness (being aware of the in and out breath ONLY)! This, plus Metta meditation (spreading loving-kindness to everyone I know), gave me a deep sense of calm and joy. =)

“Whatever good things your loved ones give you, a well-trained mind can do better. Whatever harm your enemies inflict on you, an ill-trained mind can do worse.”

That’s a quote I will always remember. And I will strive to purify and discipline my mind through meditation. It consists of Right Effort (1.Preventing unwholesome thoughts 2. Overcoming them when they arise 3.Creating a wholesome state of mind, and 4.Maintaining it.) Right Mindfulness (of our Thought Speech and Bodily Actions), and Right Concentration. (which i forgot, muz ask Clor..)

During the course of the retreat, there were restraints on our 5 senses, and we took 8 Precepts instead of the usual 5 (No killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, lying, intoxicants) We woke up at 5 am for chanting and sitting, then breakfast, individual practice, lunch, assigned duties and evening dhamma talk before sleeping at 10pm. On wooden platforms. We observed Noble Silence at all times, which means no talking unless absolutely necessary.

One thing that struck me was the being surrounded by Nature, the solitude was deafening. The bird calls and cricket chirps were…beautiful. Yeah..and I didn’t mind the heat and sweat at all, in fact it felt so right (to have one shower a day haha JK..) One thing is the continuity of mindfulness; in every step we take, eyes focused on the path and not roving around, fully immersed in one’s current activity be it mopping the floor, shitting, eating, every bite was taken mindfully. ‘Not for fun, not for pleasure, but to sustain our health to continue our development in the Dhamma’, and being filled with gratitude for the sponsors and kitchen aunties =D)

it has done me good, “Talk less, eat less, sleep less” hahaha..most importantly: “It is better to live 1 day mindfully than 100 years without mindfulness”


Self Signalling
March 22, 2007, 2:20 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

After Bio lec near the General Office,
“Why u alone? Where are your class people?”

HEART SQUEEZE whenever people misunderstand me. I cannot understand why Ivy or whoever whould assume that I attach a negative connotation to ‘clique’. To me, it means a group of like-minded friends who are able to click. Ain’t that a good thing?! *sigh*

It was just a factual observation, indeed I don’t have a ‘special friend’ in class simply because I don’t spend enough time with the rest. However, I’m really happy around you all, as I feel welcomed; that sense of belonging is truly…something.

Perhaps I don’t put enough effort to get involved with my CGmates and find out what’s going on in their lives. My practice is ‘Quality over Quantity’, good friends of mine will know that I’m the type who might drift apart to be in my own space, then fully immerse myself in their affairs at a moment’s notice. Of course, I enjoy companionship: watching a movie, prata for supper, mugging at a secluded spot, playing badminton, go clubbing, whatever.. Just give me a call!

To date, I’ve realised that it’s also a matter of Fate, whether we’re learning DANCE together for close to 6 years, being brothers and sisters in the Dhamma, and even friends’ friends, whom I find an affinity with. It all depends. People change, conditions change. If the time is not ripe or the current state has soured, it is pointless suffering to be attached and yearn for that former relationship. This is NOT to say I do not try my best to salvage the situation. I always cherish the present friendship and cultivate new ones. Love is acceptance.

If somehow our paths meet and we get along well and become bosom buddies, that’s wonderful! If we’re only acquaintances who brush shuolders, that’s cool too. Glad to have known you! =) May you be well and happy..

March 21, 2007, 12:13 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I am so looking forward to Malacca retreat, maybe I’ll find more faith in Buddhism..

Limbo 27/06
March 19, 2007, 4:01 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’m not a member of any clique in my class. Maybe it’s cuz I keep running away for Art and H1 Chem.. We’ve just eaten lunch and here I am in the Hub to rush this post before Maths tut.

In the ‘Ivy League’ (ok they don’t haf an official name =p) there’s Ivy, Sze Ying, Kylie, Heng Pei, Wei Fen, Shu Zhen, Jia Le , Karen. Note this is in increasing order of closeness and clickability, with the exception of Ivy. =)

And in ‘SPDF'(minus Phebe who’s in another class) there’s Keli, Valerie, Abigail, Ling Ting, Rachel and Mary, this is in decreasing order of frequency of interaction. In fact, I have a hunch that mary holds me in contempt, or simply doesn’t give a damn of my existence because I’m a good-for-nothing slob in studies, while I gotta admire her diligence and habit of 打破沙锅问到底.

Last but not least the ‘Dark Girls’ Shi Hui, Jaz Luar, Jaz Lim and Amanda, from tallest to shortest. The guys erm..CMI lah, Titus, Kenneth, Zheng Yang, Erwin and shucks I forgot his name, oh Yumeng. Well the groups meld fairly well when the occassion arises. Lessons are never boring with all the crap flying around. I would not trade ANYTHING in this world to be in another class. *sighs happily*

Why does the mermaid wear seashells?

Cuz she can’t fit into B-shells..hur hur..

Mr Hsu: I hafta go for MRI scan for both shoulders, very expensive..

Mary: No need, I haf scanner at home can scan for u!

Oh man, the air-con is freezing already, don’t need any help from these ppl.

What I learnt during march holidays
March 19, 2007, 12:56 am
Filed under: reflection

1. Never EVER waste time going out
(UNLESS it’s important stuff like watching concerts with music seniors)

2. Hunker down and mug, do NOT succumb to temptation. 先苦后甜!

3. Be mindful of what I eat and when I sleep.
(In other words, bingeing and sleeping at 2am every night for 7 days is not healthy.)

4. Selective absorption of 精神粮食 and words of wisdom!

5. Treat everyone equally nice =D
(Inspired by Keli’s post abt loving each friend and family member 100% and not investing according to how much u like that person.)

The People VS Larry Flynt
March 19, 2007, 12:12 am
Filed under: movie, review

Smut peddler. I SAY HE’S A GENIUS! Hustler porn mag dared to break convention with a no-holds barred approach. Larry was a frequent visitor to the county courts, district courts and eventually the Supreme Court. Freedom of expression yeah~ it IS simply a matter of taste, not community standards. Just like guai-looking ppl don’t go around blaring that they’re in fact wild cats =p

Poor poor Althea (pretty name), Courtney Love was perfectly cast as her. Orphan degraded by nuns, dancer in Larry’s bar, later wife and muse, AIDS victim and lastly drug junkie who died a tragic and early death. It’s amazing how the couple separates LOVE and LUST. Ain’t it funny how one can be sexually attracted to a virtual stranger but absolutely adore another with with no stirring in the loins whatsoever??

Oh I’ve got a crush on that cute lawyer and his smooth talk.

Larry: You specialise in porn?
Lawyer: No. I don’t particularly like what you do but your case interests me.
Larry: I like you…come back when you’re out of law school.
Lawyer: Erm I’m 27, graduated from Harvard Law Sch with Honours, 5 years in service. I specialise in civil liberties.

Something like that, I got the order mixed up. It gives me a thrill when he argues so thoroughly and to the point, then WINS. He’s the reason why Larry’s still up and going. Not literally, seeing that he was shot by a Christian extremist and paralysed waist down. Hmm..bad karma and instant retribution. But it’s all thanks to him that America is the way it is today =)

Oh Oh newsflash! I saw shi fu and hs! WAHAHA! Wad a good thing I didn’t say hi there and then or they’d have fainted, cuz we’ve never met in real life.

Stomp The Yard
March 17, 2007, 1:41 am
Filed under: movie, review

Marc, Lionel and I caught it at Lido, that’s AFTER we tried (& failed =.=”) to buy tickets for 300. It was an all black cast; marc couldn’t differentiate one from the other. Haha..i could though, at least for the main eye candy. OHH their abs!! Not only the 6-pack, but also 8-pack, zig-zag pattern, etc. *drools*

Of course the dance was superb, JAW-DROPPING~ It revolves arnd 2 frats in Truth Uni vying for the top spot in the national stepping competition (I love the synchronity and shouted insults). Of course, Ne-Yo ends the 7-year losing streak of the Theta Pythons, by adding some popping/locking/hip-hop to the old-school moves. At the climax, he breaks the tie with a 招牌高难度动作 in memory of his brother who’s shot dead. Wheee~ AND he gets the girl, Meagan Good (rmb the black girl who’s a great singer in Step Up?). She’s sooo HOT, great legs *sigh*

ANW, went for wushu, n I’m depressed =x

March 15, 2007, 4:58 pm
Filed under: test

You are the World

Completion, Good Reward.

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.

The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you’ve been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you’ve done everything right.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

March 15, 2007, 3:16 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I suck. Patience is not my virtue. I GET things a little faster..SO what! That doesn’t mean that I should groan when the others ask questions to clarify their doubts. My attitude is nothing short of a disgrace, stoning and leaning all over the place (can’t help it, always sleepy~), interjecting now and then to affirm that ‘NO, we’re NOT going according to plan. Let’s stop deviating and proceed on the goddamn topic.’ =.=” (Well not that direct obviously but Mr Tong can still sense my subtle displeasure. Oops. =X) I now resolve to be of utmost contribution to the class instead of being a self-centred pain in the neck.

And I’m sooo immature. When people don’t reciprocate my affection, I’ll just turn a 180 degrees. And cross my arms like a little kid who refuses to be good. And harbour that grudge for a long long time. And while it lasts, every word will drip with sarcasm and scorn. Especially guys? Who continue to be perfect angels even after they’ve shredded your hopes and kicked you off cloud nine. Ooo wait till I aim the devil’s fork at your….(insert place where it hurts most) *grins* But then again, some guys I know just view girls as ‘friends with benefits’, who’s desirable enough to be added to their bevy of ego-boosters. Well a certain someone’s bound to scoff, ‘That’s what YOU think, you don’t really know!’ Erm, I don’t want to, after our short-lived sub-quality interaction.

But thanx for the learning experience. I’d be more discerning in future.

Why do people waste their lives?
March 14, 2007, 5:01 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

it’s kinda exasperating.’s ur future we’re talking abt. Do the best for YOURSELF, and don’t try to attract attention by doing undesirable stuff.