Thou greatest enemy is thyself

I feel so honoured that they’ve taken this in Chung Cheng =’)

Today was a berakthrough. It started from last night actually, I went to SOT happily on sat, thinking I could study, then Mei Xuan from AJ popped out of the yellow room for a drink, which means my class ppl must be in there, and I just deflated. Val, Abi, Le2, Sze Ying and HP are ok, but Mary.. I shrank into the sofa so that she couldn’t see me. Then I left and languished at Popular, until my mum called and chaffeured me to some buffet at Fort Canning celebrating a one-yr-old’s b’day. It cheered me up a lot, and my mum knew that smth was up and I was just feeling complicated. Then we went to see Dr Liu, who prescribed herbs and medicine for my headache and dizzyness, damned PMS. Oh then we went to FEI FEI at Joo Chiat area to eat wanton mee, it’s really old, but the food is pure comfort (: Met Jialong’s mum there, she heard my mum’s LOUD voice hahahaha xD

SUNDAY! Ordinary morning, fantastic afternoon!! Went to eat lunch at WERNER’S, this authentic German restaurant cum bakery that used to have a tiny shop at Simpang (: I had grilled dory fillet, sour cream potatos and salad, everything was a little too salty, but got used to it in no time. Other than that tiny glitch, everything was BURSTING WITH FLAVOUR. I recommend the Bratwurst sausages, my father had one, and ERNDINGER BEER!! I broke my precepts ;P That 500ml cup contained liquid gold….. Then I zipped into the bakery and bought 1. apple muffin (moist and with chunks of caramelized apple) 2. cheese pretzel (salty and sweet and flaky) 3. cinnamon and cranberry bread swirl (MY FAV! the plump gems were buried liberally within the pastry, and the cinnamon blended in well with the sugaring and generously scattered crumbly bits)

These 3 were my tea dinner and supper, eaten in the Red Room at SOT, this time I could study. It might have got smth to do with Mr Tong 🙂 well, he gave me the ‘A levels=rape’ analogy. I felt much better after that. Rattled off some potential careers. Civil servant…no way unless it’s in MICA, food critic (cuz his student did a very successful online food web), journalist, teacher at SOT? LOL..I hope I can rise up to the task. I’m rly inspired by Mr Tong, I want to emulate his example in doing what he love and living the life he wants. Yes he’s rich but so what? I can travel around the world as well as soon as I save enough from part-time jobs!! And I could talk about M without feeling awkward or sad, somehow I always am at my most mature in front of Tong, and most childish in front of Hwee. Lucid now, lose it later. HAha..

val and abi, sihui, shunqiang, cherie, JIA YOU!

Before I forget, though I see past self in HH, I just freak out at the touchy-feelyness. I can’t help it. It’s like she’s treating me like how i treat Mr Tickles. She needs to find someone else. Srsly.

Lars and the Real Girl. Touching, learnt a lot as well.

I better write it down before everything dissolves into a miserable mess that even I can’t make sense of. Apparently I’m too attached to Mr Tickles, but was it the feeling and not the person? Guess so…been using him as a form of escape from the A’s, or rather a guarantee that someone will still love me and accept me for who i am even if i fuck up my A’s. Now that the exam’s are looming…and he’s deserted me, I’m drifting in limbo, not knowing what to do or why was I so stupid.

The timing was all wrong. Learnt a few lessons. Guys don’t cherish what they get easily. No matter how much you like him, don’t show it so directly. Girls will reciprocate and realise how precious friendship is, but guys think they’re irresistable and take things for granted. I hate myself for being so weak, and easily satisfied, perhaps I should set a standard for myself.

Why lose control of my life and degenerated into self loathing? It’s thanks to ppl at SOT and SFA and Hwee that I feel I’m still lovable and deserved to be loved. However, I must learn to detach myself and ration my love for many important ppl in my life. What’s it worth? Words aren’t enough, actions speak louder.

I can’t imagine what would happen during the actual exams.

OMG i’m pathetic! Stop it just drop it and hit the books. NOW.

Telophaza, by Batsheva Dance Company from Israel. So nonsensical it’s genius. Ohad Naharin, the artistic director and choreographer, calls it Gaga. Reminds me immediately of the art movement Dada. Some scenes that stuck to my mind, a woman sitting on a man’s face (x would have liked this), a person’s feet projected on 4 screens (cs) and this woman who jiggled her boobs enthusiastically (m). BUT these are just little distractions. What I really liked was the duet.

haha my dashboard says i’ve got 88 posts so far. must be an accumulation of good karma, i had a rly rly good day (: in the morning i woke up, meditated, went for a run, played with the cats, received a surprise msg from Derek-ge asking us not to forget foochow dance xD Went to SOT wearing my favourite ARMY singlet, had a hot piping lunch while it was raining, mugged a while at the Yellow Room. (Lots of laughs related to mr tong: calynn commented on his very shuai dressing today, and sihui showed me the unglam photo of him, and pris let me listen to those funny songs by Avenue Q,’The Internet is for Porn’, Life Sucks’ & ‘Everyone is a little Racist’, recommended by dear TONGGGG.)

Went to library for mass tutorial. Passed some stuff to sophie, said hi to jialin (I swear she keeps growing taller!! WITHOUT growing sideways *grrr* jealous. VJ ppl are in much better shape, met rachel at siglap mac’s yesterday too) Yay~ gonna see them this sunday at mr tong’s house cuz they missed the first crash course on compre. Ended up sitting beside shun qiang who gave me haribo sweets (‘roulette’), song yan also, what is it abt guys and haribo sweets?? HMM.. Had a timed compre, and i got 13 for short qns, not bad. After that we hung out at the Imagination Room and I chatted with huay han and min wei both painters from nyjc, griped abt sova and gossiped abt the cambridge angmoh examiner. Played Extreme Tic-Tac-Toe on the whiteboard, need 5 in a row to win. Wahaha, I WON, sorry to dash ur hopes hui yan >D before i left we took a class photo…minus xiao bai, bleah 😛

Felt so guilty cuz i was late for dinner with hwee, what a good thing the timing was perfect, there were no long queues when we reached the pizza place. Had a LARGE pizza personally made by the boss and Hwee’s army fren Gabriel Sim. haha the way he toss the dough is like china acrobat (: talked a bit with hwee but mostly it was a 3-way convo with gabriel. fetch me home on his bike, i just love the cool night air (: saw a convoy of trucks lit with neon lights with drummers, DAMN COOL!

Anyway…i just feel so loved (: I feel damn lucky to meet all these GUI4 REN2, not translated as expensive ppl, but as ppl who make a big difference in my life and bring out the best in me. Derek-ge taught me idealism and passion in the arts, ang hwee helped me discover spirituality, and mr tong made me think deeper and gain broader perspectives, made me more mature instead of focusing on my own little world with a bevy of ‘problems’.

Originally, I planned to boycott the cut version of Lust.Caution and get the DVD from HK. Learnt a lot from it, it should be called Lust.ABSTAIN