Thou greatest enemy is thyself

Felt a sense of accomplishment today choosing my sister’s CNY outfits. Basically it’s this one pair of khaki combat pants femmed up with embroidered flowers and twirling motifs ($50), matched with 3 tops (all $29.90): a maroon patchwork tee, a faux 2-piece top, and a dusky green spag that was meant for me. LOL! My mum seems to approve of my burgeoning fashion sense and enthusiasm in shopping, so much so that she sponsors me (provided i butter her up by consulting her frequently of course xD).

For myself, I bought a 250ml metal/ceramic water bottle with a beautifully designed graphics and ‘SNOW ANGEL’ ($9.90),  a blue/green/red top ($29.90) and erm…a pair of sports-cum-dance-cum-working shoes (Nike Zoom, black with green accents, $139), plus a pair of Air Pegasus Bowerman series Nike shoes for running hopefully, they’re just what I’m looking for, highly cushioned at the ball of the foot and firm at the heel.

Will post pics soon =) and update on ALL aspects of my life. friends, family, job, dance, sbm, lov, study prospects, etc.

Despite the fact that I’m aching alllll over (legs and joints from wushu and dance, wrists, upper arms and shoulders from volleyball, back and waist from carrying heavy boxes and setting up newsweek booth) and spasming from the cold, I still love Changi Airport. T3 is just fantastic and every teeny little detail is in place. I exult in the natural sunlight, the vertical green grids, the ‘open’ concept that allows visitors to peer in with envy at the passengers happily shopping in the transit area and spot people that look suspiciously like Osama bin Laden.

Was looking absolutely spiffy in black G2000 pants and orange polo tee emblazoned with ‘AIRPORT GUIDE’ with a weighty name tag. The airport pass took pride of place in the sacred lanyard and dangled in the vicinity of my belly button along with my silver N82. Never underestimate the power of projecting a professional image, it translates into tremendous motivation during work. In contrast with the mindnumbingly dull trial at T3 arrival hall, T3 departure hall was hectic and constantly hatched new surprises. From the aunty dripping with sarcasm, to the diehard fan, from the irate to the appreciative, from the eye-popping to the plain weird, the passengers were a joy rather than a chore to deal with. With one disturbing exception, a guy who stood so close and said ‘How do you help me? I want to sleep…’ *looks me up and down* I gave a very neutral reply, but underneath the smile I was churning with disgust and fear. 15 minutes later, a CAAS lady came and my suppressed tears started to leak. I never felt so vulnerable. When your best intentions are twisted into something malevolent, it adds another crack to the rose-tinted glasses that one views human nature from.

 But the nice people I met today diluted that tainted perception. Met Jillian (pri), Lay Peng (sec), Eileen n Cheryl (jc), Calynn (sot), and was adopted by 3 fairy god-aunties who magicked me into T2 transit to use Osim uSqueeze. Had a great time shopping and met Ilyana (jc) at LeSportsSac, am now inspired to save up so that I could buy this horizontal handbag (for self) and horizontal tote (for sis). OMG they’re just soooo pretty la~ Wanna buy this necklace with diamante studded ribbon pendant from Chomel as well. And mac plushglass in Wonderstruck. Cuz that describes my feeling at unearthing the secrets of the trinity of terminals.

 Blah…missed meeting up with the Art seniors, was supposed to go Partyworld KTV. I guess today was more family-oriented. My family actually came down to observe me in my new habitat and seemed rather pleased that this uncouth  cave-dweller has adapted well to a more challenging environment and evolved into a more complex social creature. One more random observation, I almost shrieked in delight at a couple pushing a cute doggy in a makeshift pram, but….on recalling the many families and their =D x) ^_^Y @.@! =.=”, I suddenly realised how paltry the couple’s love is. Having children is not just about fulfiling the government’s agenda but a beautiful act of bringing a life into the world, and experiencing the most primal joy of nurturing the young while bringing smiles to old wrinkled faces. It’s just so right, being a parent, giving birth, no man/woman can be comlpete without it.

Ok ok…so i got inspiration from crashing mr Tong’s class.

I feel so guilty, the horoscopes say that i’ll keep a close fist on my money but it’s actually leaking like my nose in close proximity to cats. Two tops 43.30. One hp accessory 30. One necklace 17. A pool session 3.50. One Ramly burger 1.80. One orange 0.70. What else.. Duck rice $2. Fish noodles $2.50. Guava and watermelon juice $1.50. Chicken rice and croquette $1.90. Prawn meepok $1.60. Gonna try yong tau hoo~ cuz soph recommended it =) oh yes ducky earrings! $3. Dinner $3.70. Bread $0.90. Milo $0.60.

 Sponsored stuff: G2000 pants, grey top and white blouse.

Working at VJC with Lin Xun selling newsweek + broader perspectives subscriptions is an enjoyable affair , this is despite the fact that we only received a measly total of 7 forms. Newsweek is no match for the TIME brand; even if the function is essentially the same, the latter attracts more subscribers. Then we made the fatal mistake of following up with a call ONLY on the day after we get the student’s number. Dang~ my charm offensive all wasted! Nevertheless, we gained valuable work experience. It really is about networking, and making new contacts. Met SBMers Yin Hong & Wen Lin, photog ppl (who knows Yeejek, who jio-ed two of my friends, Sophie and Kylie), Ting Kai (whose friend Janet gave us the SC president’s number), Olivia (whom I bought jewellery from, check out http://noir-et-rougeee.livejournal.com), former CCHMS ppl Chia Ling, Pu En, Huan Yuet, Hui Mei and Jie Ru. We even fraternized with the enemy at the TIME booth, Tie Fu (directly translated as Iron Man), who used to be in VS Volleyball with Song Yan who’s my TJC wushumate! Such a small world…..

 Got my airport pass today at the airport police division =D Really crummy photo though, like taken in our parent’s era, that faded yellowing quality.. Waited about 2+ hours, but it was occupied by the incessant laming of the two GMSS guys – Samuel and Alan. Both are waiting for O level results, and are best buddies from pri to sec sch, identified with them immediately, they’re like me and soph =)) bickering adorably, lending money for taxi fare and dinner, providing alibis to anxious mums, discussing the fate of GMSS cohort unity. Felt younger with them, alleviated from my so-called ‘grown-up’ problems. Like what’s the point you know? When you have friends constant in sunshine or rain, mentors who alternatingly shelter and strand you, ppl who share your passion, why focus on those who sap the good energy and self-confidence? It took me a long time to realize that and now is a crucial time to apply it. Let go….let go…and meet new acquaintances with a big smile from the heart, perhaps serendipity will come out of it =)

Karen

Went back to SBM for cert presentation today, all the faces look semi-familiar, which is a bad thing lol. Last night sel asked me if I’d like to help her as vice-capt of sariputta and I agreed. It’s time that I came back for good to contribute and stop escaping from the perceived slights. After all, our purpose is to invite more ppl onto the buddhist boat and help them find happiness within themselves with the support of spiritual friends. I guess I’ve made ppl lose confidence in me, having ponned camp halfway to send karen off. Plus I’ve realised that to the SBM ppl, I must seem to be making half-hearted attempts to connect with them. This time, I shall show by my action, not just saturday sharings, jun/dec camps, public talks and other events, but my personal cultivation as well, in both dhamma knowledge and retreats. I can start by meditating daily, learning to chant by heart and really get my basics right. Later I’ll save up the deposit for the 20-day retreat in India and the 10-day alokarama retreat. Own money, own effort, then I’ll be less likely to back out last minute.

Oh aunty boon was really inspiring, suddenly I feel like being the ultimate housewife and cavort in the kitchen all day. Lol..

Forget about Mr Tickles.

Always smile.

Sleep early

Eat less.

Study, work and play hard

Find out admissions of NAFA, Laselle, TP, Columbia Uni, Pratt’s

Decide whether to retake A Levels and what subject combi.

Math, Lit, Art, Chem/China studies H1?

Open my heart so love can flow in…and flow out.

 It’s always the pride thing. how can he not love me?! Am i not worthy of his love?

And be clear about the fact that he’s trying to make it easier for me, that’s the truth but not the whole thing. If he’s head over heels in love with me, he’ll promise whatever he can and do it. I demand too much and it was selfish of me because I wanted his love and affection, while insisting outwardly that I want the best for him and would never want to distract him. But now going into pieces isn’t gonna help me, or him. If I love him, I will let go so that he can be the best that he can be.