Thou greatest enemy is thyself

TODAY! Art exam…scribble scribble scribble…done! 30 minutes before ending time. Then I rushed to PS to watch Transformers with Marc and Lionel. Was 20min late, but the actual movie only just started HEHEHE.. Thank buddha for ads x) The movie was awesome!! The Autobots were awe-inspiring!! The Decepticons were awful!!

End of story. Ok srsly the CG effects were superb. Each frame took 35 hrs laa~ Oh yes Shia LaBeouf is cute, as in rly ugly but rly adorable as well, and that girl (not ditzy blonde but brunette with juvi record) was hawt. T.T”

After that we rushed to SBM, me n Marc, Lionel went to do last min shopping for Laura’s dinner party the following night. Yup, Sister Sumitra came back from her 6-month Europe retreat (or should we say..holiday?) and shared lots of stories with us. The recurring theme was about pure love and opening our hearts to connect with strangers, ppl from different religion, etc. I know…how deeply joyful it is to help somebody with your presence. Sadly, this hasn’t been happening in my case, quite the opposite really =P

Sister Su also related a common ailment of modern society. Throughout the days of work, study, LIFE in general, one accumulates a heaviness and ‘blockage’ which results in feeling low for no apparent reason. This stems from worries and anxieties of the future and regrets from the past. LIVING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT was smth I never really understood until now. I don’t know how to explain the importance but I kind of grasp how relevant it is to me right now. =.=

Hmm…after the talk, I walked to Potong Pasir station and got 3 NDP rehearsal tics from Ming Choon. WAHAHA! He’s so kind, gave me one extra =). Me and Marc then went to Bedok Interchange to eat supper, (first meal of the day for him -_______-“). We both had carrot cake, he had sugarcane juice I had chaendol. Shouldn’t have cuz damn BLOATED now, but very happy lah so nvm =D

Found out that we actually share lotsa common ‘childhood hangouts’. Like his grandma’s house at block 91. He used to peek into the calligraohy classes in pri sch (no wonder I felt someone was watching us). He likes to eat, and COOK! *kowtows* (fine I dunno how to cook can). Both of us have sweet and salty tooth buuut he can’t stand spicy, whereas i LIVE for the burn. Erm what else, oh about academic studies we got lousier as we got older. Less driven/ driven in the wrong area LOL.

Ack I’m so scared of A’s but soo looking forward to tomorrow!!

Before: Gripping anxiety

After: Accepted worst-case scenario of failing A levels OR getting a lousy cert.
Acknowledged that 4 months is enough to turn around. Brave enough to admit that my studies utterly suck now and require lotsa work, THICK SKIN to ask friends ‘stupid questions’ and focus. I’m gonna abstain from unnecessary stuff but will reward my extra productive sessions with outings with Hwee, visits to SBM, having a ball of a time, etc. In any case, huo2 zai4 dang1 xia4!! Do not wallow in the past for it has gone, don’t worry about the future because it has not yet come and I have no control over it whatsoever. If I take care of the PRESENT, the future will take care of itself. I will continue with wushu training, about 4 hours every Sat, then study there with Soph and Co. I do not have to pressure myself, just walk through it. Even if this door closes, another door will open. I’d rather be a happy mediocre person than an outstanding overachieving wreck. But, I do need to make full use of tuition, grapple with all the basics at home then load the teacher with everything I can’t figure out. PLUS, revise after 2 days art and bio. Practise on Chem and maths. Argh. Remember advice. Dont chase after anything, it’s like chasing a shy boy, he’ll run away and elude me even more. (Note to self: what if he ISN’T shy?)

I’m so dead. I haven’t started studying. It stems from a deep seated fear of failure. Once I touch my revision I’ll find out how LITTLE i actually know and freak out. Sigh. Haha. No use sia. Been staying up late and going out a LOT.

Yesterday I watched the 9pm show of Ocean’s THIRTEEN with Sophie, Kenny, YY, Xue Leong and Ace at Plaza Sing GV. Brad Pitt is sexy, so is George Clooney. Matt Damomn is damn gay, but not as gay as the short china guy (‘SHIT SHIT SHIT’, a classic). Haha.. Oh I met Ace for the first time =) He’s a cool dude. Pity I couldn’t talk much, mumbling with retainers on is SO unglam. He might think I’m drooling at the sight of him or smth LOL! Psst…let me tell u a secret, in KFC, $2.50 large fries plus 50 cents cheese is much more ‘worth it’ than cheese fries: cheaper and bigger portion. And YY is a pro at the dance machine T.T”

The day before yesterday I watched a 9.30pm show of Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (ARGH…SILVER SURFER is the BEST!) with Lionel and Marcus (and forgot to return the 8 bucks -____-“)…plus i looked wierd lugging a sword in its sheath around. Wonder where to buy the cover with sling. Haha..anyway before that I had wushu trng, which wasn’t as productive as the saturday one. Maybe cuz i didn’t warm up with dance practice first. Anyway, that’s the first time I saw Wei Ren. Halfway thru the lesoon, I got this vibe about him and guessed correctly. He’s val’s ex. Sigh, i wonder wad will happen if they come at the same time. Won’t it be awkward.

Just now I had supper with Dong Hao. Before that I was in TPY, getting the silk pants for Yong Ting from the cc, then helping out a friend in pain. Yup, now my obsession is over. Or should I say, it’s just the beginning. Rly I should expect nothing so that I won’t be disappointed or wad. At least he isn’t against me anymore. That’s good enough. Yeah =)