Thou greatest enemy is thyself

Last night, no, this morning, I fwumphed on my bed at about 3am after writing my CV and filling in the application form for AIESEC. Four-and-a-half hours later, my mum nudged me insistently out of my slumber to the fact that I have a lecture at 9am and that I only have  one-and-a-half hours (the exact travelling time needed) to go! 

Surprisingly I didn’t go ‘oh shit’ and contemplate ponning class, but instead thought of how tired my father was when I tucked him in and how he would be totally willing to fetch me to school but that would disrupt whatever precious rest he’s having. So I scrambled out of bed and had a quick shower before asking my mum to fetch me to the train station. 

I reached the lecture while Dr. D was still introducing our guest lecturer Mark Cenite. WAY TO GO! Hahahaha…it’s a little thing but I have a feelin it’s gonna be a good day 😀

Recently, I tried the Fortune Cookie application in FB and it said ‘Friends long absent are coming back’. And it was so heartening. On Sunday, I attended Ling and Sihui’s graduation, got a hug from Si and an enigmatic ‘I love you because I want to love you’, got a venting session with Ling (Sorry and Thank You!) and realized I had a lot of pent-up emotions that I must release before I can smile again =)

On Monday, I met up with Hui Yan to mug at NIE library, then we took train home together. It’s amazing how much our friendship evolved in the span of one day, from mere tuition mates to confidante. We’re quite similar yet strangely our surface symptoms are poles apart, and both of us value our mums a lot. It’s going to be hard to maintain, but I’ll find a way. We could definitely balance each other out and benefit from it. Wonder if I should take part in SOT lessons and contribute to discussions again.

HY’s offer made me miss the good ‘ol days of exciting classes, moving lectures,  invigorating debates and general inane antics… xD Mr Tong said that a class like us with great dynamics was rare! In fact, I doubt lessons at SOT can be anything except. But apparently, HY’s current batch don’t have each other’s numbers and barely speak up in class. (o.O)” HMM…

Ohwell……another SOT outing please!

Went for Ling’s and Sihui’s Basic course graduation just now, and I’m so glad to see all the familiar faces. It’s amazing to see how much I’ve changed from my graduation till now. And I’m so damn bloody glad to have friends like Minmin and LiLing. 

I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and taken a risk by being myself with someone i practically didn’t know, and it’s such a happy surprise! I need to continue being myself and reaching out, and no doubt as Jeanette has said, the outcome won’t always be what I expect, but it’ll be a slow but sure progress.

So far, I’ve gone mugging at Coffee Nations (and met Joanne Peh there – majorly inspired!), watched NTU Contemporary Dance concert, and went to catch up at AW. Met Bill there and had a nice conversation, he isn’t as up-there as I thought…haha and he sure is capable enough to retire early!

Ling says I need to accept my tears and low moods, but encourage myself along the way. I realise even with Tina’s advice to endure the pain but be optimistic, I’ve just been suppressing the hurt and despair I feel. So I’m going to be honest with myself and recognise that while it’s difficult to crawl out of bed every morning knowing that the special someone is no longer there to brighten up my day, I still have a lot to live for and look forward too. I’m going to treat myself for every bad mood, good mood, mugging mood, etc. Haha!!!

he really valued my enthusiasm but thinks i’m not ready yet…

P.S. I think I proved him wrong during tech class =p so shiok.