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To tell you the truth, I’ve been emo-ing on and off the whole day, taking a lot of toilet breaks. But i managed to write a lot of my essay from the highlighted reviews and journals, Youtube interviews and the streaming link yuntian sent me. Now to write the last part, conlict and faith in context =) clean up and off to bed i go!
Staying up till 3am was so not cool, it was emotionally and mentally draining. I even woke up at 6 with a nightmare so bad my body was protesting. I MUST learn to STOP bleeding love when he takes pleasure in rejecting and rub salt into my wound instead. I’m so going to call yinren to complain and hear him give his worldly wisdom that ‘guys are bastards’. hahaha…it’s very refreshing. And hearing jem’s voice, so zen in vietnam, is really a gem. He’s really been through a lot and gave me valuable advice that hits the spot everytime (yes, yes…YES! that’s exactly how i feel!) i really need to suck in the emoness and get on with life, cuz it will pass, if I keep indulging it, it’ll just mutate into a giant marimo and suffocate me.
Honestly, I have been making great progress, emanating positive vibes and attracting guys on fb, sms and in person. I am really flattered and appreciate their friendship but I do NOT flaunt these attentions unlike some inconsiderate heartless person who wants to keep his options open. Sigh…your loss. I’m just going to focus on loving myself, loving you is just not worth it. The most I can muster is hope you grow up soon. Cuz i certainly got a lot of shit and it’s my fertilizer to grow strong and emotionally healthy! (quote courtesy of cass)
Time to be like Summer =) and I’ll be looking for Mr. Autumn. I can put this behind me and look forward. When my mum (who was utterly duped by how ‘nice’ Lester was) says that, I will follow her order! She doesn’t want me to get hurt again ='( i’ve been making her worried. cannot.
P.S. me loves liu xing and cass, both are so no-nonsense and be-gone!! *a guy who doesnt make you feel like you’re worth it, probably isnt worth that much to you.*
4 noble truths, be compassionate.
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Thou greatest enemy is thyself 