Thou greatest enemy is thyself

April 26, 2008, 2:03 am
Filed under: movie, reflection, review

Friday is friggin awesommmmme! Went to the sell-out concert of The Great Spy Experiment (GSE) at the Esplanade Recital Studio. I remember the music and swaying to it, ended up jumping like mad in my strappy 3-inch heels and know my knees are numb…from pain. but ANYWAY, that wasn’t the point, the band members are just such great performers! Saiful is the lead singer, sleek stylo milo, Song the second guitarist is more flamboyant, what with the hair (OMG u gotta see his hair!!!), Bassist Khairil is the most enthu one and prone to stunts, obviously into bodybuilding as he stripped off his shirt halfway to reveal his bulging biceps. Show off. He’s already dating Magdalene lah, the keyboardist and synthesiser operator. Last but definitely NOT least is the drummer….(insert name)……he’s damn funny, cracking lame jokes and grinning very goofily and looking very hangdog when he goes into the trance-like state.

Fast fwd fast fwd…the autograph session, i got them to sign on the GSE tee i got, WHILE WEARING IT. Hehehehe…I asked Song if he’s Chinese or Malay, cuz he’s the fairest but looks Malay and he’s CHINESE, surname TAN, and i went ‘OH I’M A TAN ALSO’, and K quipped ‘Eh same family!’ and Song went ‘Aww~ shucks’. Arhz..he doesn’t matter. My loves Zai Zul and his poly friend Jerraline (not sure of spelling) accompanied me. J jas a cool tatto on her…left shoulder..yep AND she studies fashion design at TP, i’m so jealous, but nvm, I GOT INTO NTU MASS COMM!

Yeap u heard it…WEE KIM WEE SCHOOL OF COMMUNICATION STUDIES! Ok lah that’s the biggest news of all for Friday. =) My father was so happy. My mum too, since my father was happy. San Jie, Ling and Soph knew the news as I was taking the bus home from Northland Pri.

Thursday first meeting with Ling her NTU friend XiXun and RongXin fellow TJCian. We’re joining Citibank-YMCA Youth for Causes!! What I liked was that the non-profit org (NPO) the 3 of them chose was Buddhist. Metta School, rings a bell? Well no it didn’t at first, then as we were discussing happily into the 3rd hour I buried my face in my hands and gave a strangled cry cuz i realized the first time I heard about it was….and we had to come up with a PROPOSAL to help them…(inside thing, only Ling knew how i felt, lol…argh) I LOVE the direction we’re taking, helping to raise awareness of social enterprises (SE) in Singapore as well as increase support for the intellectually disabled youths aat Happy Arts Deli. It’s gonna take the form of a carnival and we’re targetting at JC students, whom I believe are NOT apathetic. (Even if they are, we’ve got a secret weapon, GP content. Mwahaha.)

Wednesday went to watch Good Night and Good Luck about the McCarthy Era and the power of the media, mindblowing stuff and an uber-cool cinematic classic. B&W, George Clooney, jazz, powerful but concise speeches that struck the hearts of American people. Go figure. Much much later into the night I confided in the BFG again, suddenly occurred to me that things for my ears and my eyes only shouldn’t be displayed at liberty on my blog, never ever would i think that someone would search for it and inform someone I care about and respect and depend on a lot, what a good thing it didn’t affect BFG like previous cases have. Like ‘Lil ol me? Oh man I didn’t expect anyone except my close friends to wanna read my blog u know?’ And anyway they receive regular verbal updates from me, no need to read blog.

I’m now drifting again. I tend to avoid conversations with ppl who are impt to me, past examples include Hwee and De Li Ge. And now the most crucial one but what others think should be the least important? I should just forget>? Attachment brings suffering? Expecially if he doesn’t care enough for me to keep things amicable? If I really really love a person, wish him well and happy. I have too much baggage, and I absolutely don’t want a relationship to be a means to an end, to fill the void in my heart, but rather to share an overbrimming cup of love. I dunno what crap I’m spouting when it just hurts to be misunderstood and I’ve never been one to enhance and highlight my assets but I react so immediately that it just sends the wrong msg. I’m so sad right now that i don’t know what to do. Were you thinking the same thing as me as we were both watching that anal flick? I flinched at your touch only becuase it jolted my senses so much and brought back those memories in a flood. Perhaps it IS better to let go. I fyou’re happy i’m happy, but could u please, just tell me, there’s no way anymore and maybe you could make someone else happier instead of hitting the pause and play on my suffering. The saddest saddest thing is, it’s either ALL but NOTHING. Not even friendship? I wish you could read this but it’s all in a jumble and you’ve got more pressing things to worry about, like school. The end, I don’t stand a chance against the bitches, except for friends who know how sensitive and raw i am and buffer me against the shit that’s going on. *HUGS*


Bawled my eyes out. all our lives we’re yearning for that unconditional love.

I wish one day I will be able to give it.


Leave a Comment so far
Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: