Thou greatest enemy is thyself

Do I really want Lester in my life? On one hand, I see that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore and has given up on me at that point, and that many people out there still see my worth and respond to the love that radiated naturally from me. On the other, I suddenly felt that pang of regret, why wait till now, when I’m so comfortable around with his friends (teasing Victor and Steve) and so unbound by fear of rejection and reaching out to the network of friends, that I can’t be with him? Everything happens for a reason and i’m very thankful that this break-up was the catalyst for taking stock of my life and standing up again. I have more or less accepted the fact that he’s moved on and there are new guys in my life (just FRIENDS ok! I can only give them that =p), but there’s still this attachment and I’m telling myself I don’t want him in my life anymore, though from time to time I’ll wonder what’s going on in his life and how’s he doing…I wish he’d be open to me, does he feel a sense of responsibility to give me a hand for forensics, does he have the hots for Lesley, is he on track for his academic goals? I’m genuinely interested and believe I would be truly happy for him. The only fact that he would be closed up to me is what hurts the most, and I have been avoiding it by not calling and getting updates. So………………..call now? YES

Burnt out designing the LP87 shirt. After our first weekend, I immediately buckled down to brainstorm. To no avail. It took me till 5am and after many long aimless conversations with Bill and a few other night owls to suddenly get the Eureka moment! Considered the star-wings-halo combo but it just looked too kiddy, then I went with Fadz’ suggestion of stripes on the sleeove like on Audrey’s shirt. Then a brainwave took over. I extended the design into the knots of the wings and placed the star beside it. It looked damn tribal and tough and represented the Eaglets! That halo was a feminine nurturing touch, us being the Angelwings who were soaring watchfully above. The star of course represented the All-stars who shone so brightly and are ubiquitous in LP87 =)

It was nice talking to Bill. I aspire to his lifestyle, or rather I’ve already reached it. He’s achieved so much in his career since his LP donkey years ago. He’s living comfortably in his bachelor pad in Bangkok and shuttles back and forth regularly to Singapore. He’s retiring by 45 I think from the returns of his work in private equity. It’s cool bringing together prospective investors and start-ups together and watching things burgeon. Not all do, but the rewards are handsome. Haha he’s still as charming as ever, he likes Jessica Alba – i do too! Most importantly, he’s just cruising along and looking out for Ms Right, and that’s what I intend to do, to be utterly comfortable in my own skin and lead a fulfilling and meaningful lifestyle.

Anyway…this project again showed me my key flaws in teamwork. I again see the urgent need to be open for support when I need it, not be so perfectionist and as a result keeping people waiting or excluding people from the process. The fruits of our labour are more enjoyable when shared! Personal vision should not compromise the team’s alignment and at the very least I could LET THEM KNOW! Inform them of where’s my progress and when I need to rest.

Anyway had a great time with Kym at Orchard that day, had lunch at Paragon Soup Spoon and then went to Ion to find her dive friend James, who’s also a store manager of this upmarket brand called Pois and a t-shirt printer. Haha he helped me polish the lines using his software and here’s the result!

my future tattooyellow drifit polo

OK time to start mugging. Finally. Oh by the way that ADM essay I did after the wake of the break-up…i got 78.5/100 for it! Not bad considering it took only 3 solid days of researching and writing, the 1 day of reeling from the aftermath didn’t affect my grades at all! And now, I have a friend who admires my writing and who can mug adm240 with me as well. If only Henry wasn’t so busy with his animation stuff. ARGHHHH panic!!!

Went to mug with the aero ppl at old can a the other day, but lyanna had a splitting headache so we headed back home to stare at our malay book. I studied till 3am, compiling the function words, conjunctions and verbs and whatnots! The next day, the test seemed like nothing, though i think I geh kiang went to write 173 words for a 80-word compo and added extra info for graphic stimulus. But overall, it was ok =) Oral next week! And lyanna said she wanted to take HMM2 too! Wow…at least i’ll have a classmate yay~ xD

It’s funny how my considerations vanish, and talking to Lyanna and saying hi to Peijun a few tables down suddenly seem natural. They are some lovable lovely people. Plus it was such a coincidence to bump into two long-lost friends. One was my O level music piano-prodigy-classmate, he was sleeping in an unglam way right opposite me on the mrt and after he woke up, this guy beside him was so nice as to move one seat down and I sat beside Yao Zong to talk. The other one was VICTOR!! Hahaha the joker from Lester’s IA…he seemed tired and drained from his FYP (I understand his pain: home -> NUS -> NTU -> home), but still chatty and cheerful. He said he couldn’t recognise me; hmm…other than my hair which is longer and how i look taller with wedges (cuz it was raining that day and I didn’t wanna get my feet wet), i’m still pretty much the same!

Had lunch with Kunal, and I realised how narrow my world was compared to his. He’s practically travelled the whole region and would be going to phuket next week. Wah lao eh, I’m only going there end-dec lor, 被他抢先一步！When I offered the reason that Canadian currency is good, he countered that Singapore’s dollar was not bad too. That’s true. ARGH…..no more considerations! Hehe…now, should I tour canada n nyc  soon with my tour guide?

Well. What else. Oh yeah…Princess Mononoke rawks!!!!! Anime with a social message, my cup of tea! I want a white wolf >D then I can terrorise guys. Haha the scene where the wolf wanted to bite Prince Ashitaka’s head off was hilarious!

Marilyn Monroe, sexy bitch!

Wrapped up a day of filming today. and the high point was at Nanyang Heights studio, when Siva went…”You have that ‘I’m a dancer’ look!” Hahaha…I miss dance, I miss SFA, I miss jazz with Veron. Should i learn latin/international dance? We had a stupid moment back there that really piqued my interest xD I admire how Wei Lie can be so adept in handling his team, choreographing every shot, and making people like him even while being unlikeable. Hehe…i know who to consult for 206 already. Eunice is so steady pom pi pi, really like how she keeps her cool and suddenly breaks the ice with her offbeat humour. Siva is just sweet and on top of her job as production manager while Gunal….Gunal the alien/soundman/nanny/cool hair guy celebrating his 21st birthday. HAHA.

Yesterday I spend the morning at Asiaworks handing in my DOE, then met Min at SMU, she said I learnt a lot, the problem is internalizing them lol..she is a rare breed, will support her all the way! =) Then I spent the afternoon with Xing, exercising at Chung Cheng and slacking at her house, love her lots!!! She and all her talk about his small **** xD aww, she is a rare breed too, I am committed to helping her find her passion and drive back, whether in studies or dance! Then I went to Aston’s and had dinner, the fish wasn’t fresh and the manager was so nice to change without question and even dumped the whole batch of fish cuz he trusted me =) by the time i finished it was pouring outside and he sort of came out and invited me back into the restaurant to use the wireless. I welcomed the blazing warmth like a moth to light. Ordered a pot of tea and he kept bustling over to make sure I was comfortable. Hehe…and the waiters kept peeking from the corner ^^ At last it was time for farewell and he said the tea was on him (‘come back next time!’ ‘Sure…i’ll bring a friend along!’) and Wendy came to pick me up on the cab. She’s flying off to Mongolia to visit her bf and I spent some quality time with her eating Popeye’s and her showing me her plush rabbit and stuff like that =) I want her to know that she’s someone very special too!!! Haha when she’s back we’ll be watching Victor/Victoria