Thou greatest enemy is thyself

well…mr tong said. Kissing is an act of love for girls. Sex is overrated to guys, what they crave is the emotional security and trust in their girl. I think, being the insecure person that I am, i was scared of commiting all my feelings to him and getting hurt or rejected in the process; even as i loved him wholeheartedly, there were inhibitions, and true enough, i’ve fulfilled my own prophecy.

there exists a large possibility that he may no longer have feelings for me, but he WILL never play the bad cop, eventually i will do what needs to be done. Sigh. This for my own good. I’ve invested too little in emotional stability. I should rely on my own acceptance of myself and not Mr Tickles, or anyone.

On me feeling like a failure. There’s no use lowering my expectations when ppl around me know where i can reach. So simply delay such high expectations and work towards it in future. In the mean time, religion, friends, productive activities will keep my mind occupied and heart healthy. Whether I get into nafa or laselle, i shall catch up with my peers in at most a year’s time.

Your good energy affords you a new opportunity to look deeply within yourself and figure out what is really giong on. Yuo may want to explore some new territory physically or spiritually.

Today is my first day of freedom, not only from the nightmarish A levels, but also from my inner demons. This is the LAST TIME I’m gonna talk about Mr Tickles. Thanks to Sophie, Hwee and ultimately Mr Tong, I’ve reached the end of this chapter of my life.

First and foremost, the whirlwind romance has been both a memorable experience and a source of personal revelation. While poking listlessly at my dark chocolate gelato, the words came out jumbled at first, but the 33-year-old tong listened patiently with cone in hand. SO I was telling him abt how Mr Tickles made me feel unloved and all, then he surprisingly related to me his situation with Lorraine. She was the first and only girl he jio-ed, but because of his busy schedule, benign neglect led to her feeling unloved. Despite his repeated assertions that he loved her, she challenged him, ‘Can you make me feel that?’ Sigh~ my tears and snot were leaking uncontrollably by then.

Another similarity was the ‘lust issue’, apparently me and mr tong have the same brain. For girls, kissing is a way to show love, that’s why i always frenched mr tickles because i loved him deeply. Whereas for guys, sex is overrated and they prefer the emotional security and trust in their partner.

Celine Dion – Taking Chances lyrics

Don’t know much about your life.
Don’t know much about your world, but
Don’t want to be alone tonight,
On this planet they call earth.

You don’t know about my past, and
I don’t have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it’s not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there’s solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there’s solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

And I had my heart beaten down,
But I always come back for more, yeah.
There’s nothing like love to pull you up,
When you’re laying down on the floor there.
So talk to me, talk to me,
Like lovers do.
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,
Like lovers do,
Like lovers do.

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there’s solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

Don’t know much about your life
And I don’t know much about your world

omg…this so applies to me now, thanks soph

The Virgoan urge to create perfection reflects the innate creativity of people born under this Sign, their keen sense of aesthetics and order, and their natural predilection for the worthwhile in life. From a very early age they are often interested in the visual and decorative arts and crafts, antiques and fine music.

Their perfectionism also underlies their methodical approach to work, their gift for detail and accuracy. They tend to have quite exceptional memories and do well in tests of ready reckoning or factual recall. They usually make good students, historians, navigators and health practitioners. They are also keen and shrewd and these plus their other natural talents stand them in good stead if they follow careers in journalism.

The Virgonas’ methodical nature also favours work which involves planning and periodical checking. They are happy to accept responsibility so careers requiring assiduous supervision and inspection such as editing, pharmacy, banking, insurance, and product management are indicated for Virgoans.

They are renowned for creating tranquil conditions about themselves, whether at work or at home. Virgoans often gravitate towards humanitarian issues, acting as go-betweens, arbitrators and diplomats. However, Virgoans typically work very hard, so thatwhile working for the betterment of others they may simultaneously overlook their own well-being.

Virgoans are generally kind-natured, gentle folk, so their ability to detect undesirable acquaintances – and to guard against their advances – is a useful one.

Virgoan born towards the end of the Sign, from around 9 September onwards, can be quite complicated individuals, combining a quixotic nature and a hasty temper with the more typical Virgoan eye for detail and highly retentive memory. They tend to be very lucky because this latter part of the Sign comes under the fixed star Zosma which brings benefits through the oddest and most unlikely situations.

Sudden changes in fortune are the special hallmark of those born on or near 9 September. The downside for these Virgoans is that they seem to move through many relationships, both business and personal, becuase their nature is restless and they seek and attract change. They would do well to combine these traits with their meticulous Virgoan streak, finding the right occupational niche for themselves.

Hmm..

First trial at epitreatz toady.. mum’s gonna pay 888 for 7.5 treatments, wonder how they/re gonna pull that off.

Went to SOT today at about 1. Min was there early..and i knew that something was up, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell me after one week plus of ‘haiz…i dunno…’ i never thought that opening up could be so difficult, it’s not a prob for me at all. Then, she made up her mind, snuggled into the dirty blue couch, and started to say it out, about her ups and downs since sec 1, Now she’s living all alone in that Bukit Timah apartment, I’m worried that she’ll sink into a deeper funk muling over the past. What I’m sure of is that she’s MUCH better now, after coming to SOT. Hope that she finds meaning in life sooon. I plan to help by psycho-ing her to come for camp (: After listening to her, I guess i really took my supportive family for granted, adults and mentors who watch over me, as well as various circles of friends who tirelessly listen to my rabid rants. Argh. I need to become more independent, keep saying time and time again, but as long as my parents don’t kick me out of the house, I’ll keep stretching my palms out for food and money.

Today Mr Tong complimented me and minmin…say that we are good ppl to rope into a team (: I erally hope to start my own business one day, doing what I really loev (: Did the DISC* test. My projected self in front of others is a DIC (Domineering Influential and Caring?) which is a Communicator, found the description very true. Then my true self and improved self is a DSC, which is a Leader, which is pretty good too (: Better copy the thing from Mr Tong and paste it here!

was mugging at changi airport bk. really empty and quiet today..but lotsa ang mohs, no sign of the blue eyed man sihui was talkin abt tho, hmph.. Dozed off..TWICE, and when I woke up, a flock of turquoise blue overwhelmed the place, students from MINDS. Most of them had Down’s syndrome and other obvious ailments, but two of them looked perfectly alright and smiley, until they babble incoherently and wander off aimlessly. That’s when I felt really fortunate to have my faculties intact. *sigh* They’re like normal kids actually, bubbly and struck with sudden frivolity like clapping and batting eyelashes, the next moment serious and earnestly striking a toast of coke with the neighbour opposite, to ultimate little boy ‘i’m grosser than thou’ contests (he licked the table!! hahaha!) oh well, i admire the three teachers’/caregivers’ patience and light but firm tone, they’ve really got a lot of compassion and wisdom…maybe i can volunteer there, hmm..

been thinking abt him, about how this incident reflect our characters. sigh..are we compatible or not…